#62 – The High Performer’s Curse: Why It Always Feels Like You Could Have Done Better
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Episode Summary:
In this episode, Ian Hawkins explores the common experience of high performers feeling like failures, despite their successes. He discusses the impact of setting unrealistically high expectations and how it can lead to a cycle of self-criticism.
Ian shares practical strategies to help break this cycle, including the importance of recognizing and celebrating progress. By shifting focus from perceived shortcomings to acknowledging achievements, listeners can build momentum and find greater consistency in their success.
Tune in for insights on how to overcome the curse of perfectionism and start feeling better about where you’re at and where you’re headed.
About the Host:
Ian Hawkins, host of "Sport Is Life," is dedicated to showing how sports can transform lives. With extensive experience as an athlete, a coach, PE teacher, community volunteer, and manager at Fox Sports, Ian brings a wealth of knowledge to the podcast. His journey began in his backyard, mentored by his older brother, and has since evolved into coaching elite athletes and business leaders. Ian's commitment to sports and personal development is evident in his roles as a performance coach and active community member. Through "Sport Is Life," Ian shares inspiring stories and valuable lessons to help listeners apply sports principles to all areas of life.
Check Me Out On:
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Theme Music Artist:
One Day Kings https://www.instagram.com/onedaykings/
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Transcript
Are there times where despite your
Speaker:success, you still feel like a failure?
Speaker:Despite your progress, you still look at
Speaker:how you could have done better and maybe
Speaker:you start that negative self talk about
Speaker:what you're not doing. Today I'm going to
Speaker:tell you about why that is and how
Speaker:to make the changes, the key steps you
Speaker:can take to be able to make the changes
Speaker:to move. Past this curse
Speaker:of the high performer and onto a more
Speaker:consistent and enjoyable level
Speaker:of success.
Speaker:I'm Ian Hawkins and this is Sporty's
Speaker:life. The purpose of sport, as I
Speaker:see it, is to see your vision become a
Speaker:reality, find your voice, create
Speaker:strong connections and learn to trust
Speaker:your body.
Speaker:You set such high expectations for
Speaker:yourself. Even in areas that you have no
Speaker:right to, areas where you don't have the
Speaker:knowledge, you haven't done the training,
Speaker:you haven't done the hours, and yet
Speaker:you have this expectation that you're
Speaker:going to do it really well. This is the
Speaker:nature of being a high performer.
Speaker:You continue to push yourself, you
Speaker:continue to as well as you can, but
Speaker:you're always stuck looking at the bits
Speaker:that you didn't get quite right. Now, the
Speaker:elements that could have been better are
Speaker:the elements and the moments when
Speaker:you know what you weren't given you 100%,
Speaker:whenyou weren't given your absolute
Speaker:best. The reality is, you
Speaker:can't be at your optimum all the
Speaker:time. You need to
Speaker:make incremental increases. That's how
Speaker:you get the best results.
Speaker:But when you have that focus that you're
Speaker:constantly setting these
Speaker:expectations that are too high and
Speaker:they're unfair and they're unrealistic at
Speaker:times, you'll continue to get better, but
Speaker:you'll continue to have that feeling of
Speaker:I'm not good enough, I'm a failure, or
Speaker:whatever the sort of pattern of
Speaker:language you use that talks down
Speaker:yourself. And it can feel like a
Speaker:curse. You might not even actually
Speaker:identify with the concept of high
Speaker:performer, but I imagine that if
Speaker:you're listening still, you are nodding
Speaker:because you can definitely identify with
Speaker:that pattern. Of always wanting
Speaker:to be better, striving to be better, and
Speaker:picking apart the bits that didn't quite
Speaker:go well.
Speaker:Most of the time you're having great
Speaker:results 99% of the time, but you're
Speaker:focusing on the one or two areas that you
Speaker:didn't quite get right or that you know
Speaker:could have been better.
Speaker:Now part of it is as simple as
Speaker:pausing to recognise what went well.
Speaker:When I'm on group coaching course, that's
Speaker:the first thing we start over with
Speaker:everyone what's going well and it's a
Speaker:loaded question and and sometimes.
Speaker:Some of the people I'm coaching can find
Speaker:it challenging to answer, but they always
Speaker:find something and it always uplifts
Speaker:them. And it's
Speaker:interesting that often.
Speaker:People do struggle for the what's
Speaker:going well to come to their mind. If I
Speaker:ask them what's going bad, they usually
Speaker:think of that straight away and it's a
Speaker:habit to get into of recognise what's good
Speaker:, recognise what's going well. It builds
Speaker:momentum and it reprograms your
Speaker:subconscious mind to start seeking out
Speaker:more of what's going well.
Speaker:So record your wins. Pause to celebrate.
Speaker:The celebrations don't have to be big,
Speaker:but it's just long enough to acknowledge.
Speaker:For the bigger winds. Pause
Speaker:longer, celebrate longer.
Speaker:And the celebrations can be varied. They
Speaker:don't always have to be extravagant,
Speaker:expensive.
Speaker:Require anything more than just an
Speaker:acknowledgement or
Speaker:spending some time with important
Speaker:people so they can acknowledge it with
Speaker:you and celebrate with you. But it is
Speaker:important. The little wins, the big wins,
Speaker:everything in between. And keep a record
Speaker:of it. This is your life, it's the most
Speaker:important part of who you are,
Speaker:so why wouldn't you want to take?Stock
Speaker:Why wouldn't you want to dedicate
Speaker:yourself to that, to the work
Speaker:on you as much as you do to the work that
Speaker:you do for other people, that you work,
Speaker:you do for your career, job,
Speaker:business, whatever it is. And then
Speaker:interesting that we dedicate, we have
Speaker:these foundational aspects that are just
Speaker:so necessary for work, but we neglect
Speaker:them in our private life, in our personal
Speaker:life. Putting these things
Speaker:in place will set you onto a
Speaker:path of not only being a high
Speaker:performance. But having
Speaker:that consistency, because
Speaker:you'll be recording it, you'll actually
Speaker:be able to see it. You'll start feeling
Speaker:better about it because you're writing it
Speaker:down. Your subconscious mind will start
Speaker:searching for more of it, and then you'll
Speaker:achieve more of it and you'll start
Speaker:getting that forward momentum. There's no
Speaker:longer become a Kirk, no longer becomes a
Speaker:curse. It actually becomes your secret
Speaker:weapon that you keep pushing the
Speaker:limits, but you're doing it in a way
Speaker:that you're feeling.
Speaker:But you'll still push yourself to improve
Speaker:again. So I heard a, I can't
Speaker:remember where it was. He's
Speaker:going back 10 years and he was,
Speaker:his answer was be happy with what you've
Speaker:done, but never be satisfied. Always look
Speaker:to push the boundaries. Now I think
Speaker:personally it's a variation on that.
Speaker:Have satisfaction, feel fulfilled for
Speaker:what you've done and then
Speaker:shoot for the next level again. And
Speaker:then continue to look to have ways of
Speaker:levelling up.
Speaker:And then life's not going to
Speaker:feel like you could have done better.
Speaker:It's going to feel like, how good is it
Speaker:that I've achieved this now, what's next?
Speaker:What else can I do? There's a
Speaker:great book, Umm.
Speaker:I think it's called How far can you go?
Speaker:John McLean, I think his name. Or is that
Speaker:Bruce Willis is Gary Die Hard, Saffron
Speaker:McLain. I'll have to look it up.
Speaker:Becomes a paraplegic after an accident
Speaker:and after a short while he
Speaker:makes a little bit of progress and his
Speaker:dad says to him, OK, that's great, now
Speaker:how far can you go? And the
Speaker:story is of just how far he pushed his
Speaker:body.
Speaker:And you did it the same way, but you can
Speaker:do it too, which is incremental
Speaker:improvements, having a vision
Speaker:that he wanted to work towards and you
Speaker:can have to do the same. He wanted to be
Speaker:able to walk again. He wanted to be able
Speaker:to push the limits of what was possible.
Speaker:He was training for a triathlon and he
Speaker:got injured, hit by a truck on his bike.
Speaker:He. I'm just thinking I
Speaker:should try and get him on on for an
Speaker:interview. Yeah, hit
Speaker:hit on his bike. He went through the
Speaker:process of wheelchair, all those sorts of
Speaker:things to do triathlons,
Speaker:including the Iron Man in Hawaii as.
Speaker:A wheelchair athlete, but then he started
Speaker:because he wasn't full like he had some
Speaker:minor movement
Speaker:and then suddenly he starts learning all
Speaker:these different ways that you can get
Speaker:movement back into your body and there
Speaker:are so many different ways to heal and.
Speaker:Just the journey of of how he went and
Speaker:ended up becoming with the help of some
Speaker:custom made.
Speaker:I can't even tell you exactly what they
Speaker:were. I think they're like some sort of
Speaker:trousers that were made that basically
Speaker:supported his leg. So he's just still
Speaker:using his own muscles, but it just helped
Speaker:create some some
Speaker:extra balance there so he was able to
Speaker:compete as an able bodied triathlete.
Speaker:Now that was because.
Speaker:He got really excited and
Speaker:celebrated each of the new layers, but
Speaker:not satisfied with
Speaker:where he was up to and where he could go.
Speaker:So I'll have to dig that book out and
Speaker:give you some more details about that.
Speaker:And yeah, maybe I should reach out and
Speaker:see if I can get him on the podcast as
Speaker:well, because it is quite an incredible
Speaker:story. So if
Speaker:you experience that curse
Speaker:or that challenge of.
Speaker:Sometimes feeling like a failure or feel
Speaker:like you're only hitting an average level
Speaker:levels of inadequacy. Whatever it is,
Speaker:take the time to pause
Speaker:, recognise just how well you are doing,
Speaker:do that regularly, celebrate
Speaker:your wins and watch as you
Speaker:improve. Have
Speaker:more consistency and most importantly,
Speaker:feel so much better about where you're at
Speaker:and where you're heading.
Speaker:You've taken the time to listen to this
Speaker:whole episode. Now it's time to take
Speaker:action. Commit to one thing you've
Speaker:learned today and make it happen. And to
Speaker:avoid any obstructions, join the Sporty's
Speaker:Life movement by clicking on the link in
Speaker:the show notes.
