#57 - How My U13s Football Coach Helped Me Find My Voice and Build Confidence
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Episode Summary:
In this episode of Sport Is Life, Ian Hawkins reflects on the life lessons he's learned through sports, particularly from an influential coach, Frank Haffey. As a shy child, Ian faced challenges finding his voice on the field but was encouraged by Frank, a former Scottish goalkeeper, who taught him the importance of communication, confidence, and self-belief. Ian shares how Frank’s close mentorship pushed him out of his comfort zone, shaping his ability to motivate and lead, both in sports and beyond.
Ian emphasizes the transformative power of sport as a training ground for personal growth, resilience, and learning to overcome challenges. He recounts how his coach’s belief in him inspired not just his football journey but also his approach to life, coaching, and mentoring others. Ian encourages listeners to look for opportunities to build confidence in others, especially the younger generation, by offering support, guidance, and understanding.
About the Host:
Ian Hawkins, host of "Sport Is Life," is dedicated to showing how sports can transform lives. With extensive experience as an athlete, a coach, PE teacher, community volunteer, and manager at Fox Sports, Ian brings a wealth of knowledge to the podcast. His journey began in his backyard, mentored by his older brother, and has since evolved into coaching elite athletes and business leaders. Ian's commitment to sports and personal development is evident in his roles as a performance coach and active community member. Through "Sport Is Life," Ian shares inspiring stories and valuable lessons to help listeners apply sports principles to all areas of life.
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Transcript
when you face different challenges in
Speaker:different situations. For me personally,
Speaker:they often come to the surface on the
Speaker:sporting field, whether it's a lack of
Speaker:belief.
Speaker:Being able to find your voice, like I
Speaker:said, different emotions that
Speaker:come out, so frustration, always
Speaker:different things.
Speaker:Most prominent in in a sporting
Speaker:environment. And So what better place to
Speaker:learn to deal with those different
Speaker:challenges than that in that environment.
Speaker:I'm Ian Hawkins and this is Sporty's
Speaker:life. The purpose of sport, as I
Speaker:see it, is to see your vision become a
Speaker:reality, find your voice, create
Speaker:strong connections and learn to trust
Speaker:your body.
Speaker:Sport teaches us so many valuable life
Speaker:lessons and the story I want to share
Speaker:with you today is from a an
Speaker:experience I had as a
Speaker:young fella why I was so
Speaker:blessed to have had some amazing coaches
Speaker:when I was younger I had two different
Speaker:international coaches for football
Speaker:played for their country. Another guy
Speaker:who had. Grown up in England and
Speaker:played for Liverpool. In the reserves,
Speaker:but still like at the incredibly high
Speaker:standard and these are some of the
Speaker:coaches that had from a young age and
Speaker:one particular coach when I was.
Speaker:13 and 14, maybe
Speaker:15 as well. He was my
Speaker:coach, he played for Scotland. He was a
Speaker:big man. He I found him as a shy kid,
Speaker:quite intimidating. He was a close
Speaker:talker, so when he talked to you he'd be
Speaker:like right up in your face. I found that
Speaker:really quite challenging.
Speaker:But this man also taught me
Speaker:just the most incredible life lessons.
Speaker:His name was Frank Haffey, he
Speaker:played for Scotland, he was a goalkeeper,
Speaker:he was an incredible
Speaker:goalkeeper, but he also played in a game
Speaker:where he his team let in
Speaker:nine goals against England.
Speaker:And even though you know, high
Speaker:quality and, and a lot of those goals,
Speaker:you know, it's like when you're a
Speaker:goalkeeper, they're not your mistake.
Speaker:He was, he just copped an absolute
Speaker:smashing to the point where he
Speaker:needed to get out of the country and and
Speaker:he came and lived in Australia, which was
Speaker:good luck for me, end up playing with his
Speaker:son and.
Speaker:Yeah, I remember he talked about how
Speaker:important it was in football to use your
Speaker:voice. He said you should be coming off
Speaker:the field with a sore throat. Now, for a
Speaker:shy kid like myself, I found that really
Speaker:challenging. But there was also.
Speaker:Part of me in there that was an
Speaker:extrovert and whether
Speaker:he saw something in me that knew he knew
Speaker:he'd be coming out or maybe I
Speaker:didn't notice him having the same
Speaker:conversations and being so vocal towards
Speaker:other people in the team. But I seem to
Speaker:feel like at times he was picking me out.
Speaker:Like, come on, I can't hear you. So
Speaker:I had to push myself out of the comfort
Speaker:zone because it was more, it was
Speaker:less painful to be yelling out. Of my
Speaker:voice is a 13 and 14 year old encourage
Speaker:my teammates was to have him talking
Speaker:really closely in my face ask me why I
Speaker:haven't done it. So
Speaker:by his encouragement, but also by pushing
Speaker:me, I learned to use my voice. I
Speaker:learned to have the confidence to
Speaker:be cheering on my teammates and encourage
Speaker:them and and not being concerned with
Speaker:what people thought. Yeah, I'm sure you
Speaker:can imagine initially as a shy kid, I
Speaker:was. I was very. Intimidated
Speaker:and just distracted here for a second.
Speaker:Why is it every time my dog sits here
Speaker:quietly, every time I start recording a
Speaker:podcast, he decides he wants to jump up?
Speaker:So you may have heard him tiptoeing
Speaker:around the room again. Anyway, I know
Speaker:Chris. Yeah, so
Speaker:this, this, this coach and this
Speaker:great man, Frank Affi, he helped me to to
Speaker:find that confidence.
Speaker:And. That's just
Speaker:something that stuck with me as I grew up
Speaker:and continued to play is that I
Speaker:always was a very vocal
Speaker:player and it
Speaker:perfectly suits my personality. I play
Speaker:my best when I'm doing that. I'm I'm a
Speaker:cheerleader. It's just something that
Speaker:comes naturally to me to be encouraging
Speaker:my teammates and also holding them to be
Speaker:count, and that's how I find
Speaker:my flow. And I don't know
Speaker:how I would have found that
Speaker:if I hadn't had that experience where I
Speaker:was pushed into it, encouraged
Speaker:into it. But it wasn't just about like, I
Speaker:don't know if I'm making it sound like a
Speaker:really intimidating thing. He did
Speaker:it in a loving way and an encouraging
Speaker:way. I can also remember a conversation
Speaker:he said he had with me at the
Speaker:end of one of those seasons. I think it
Speaker:was that that first year that he coached
Speaker:me in the under 13. Because we hadn't
Speaker:had a good year as a team, we were
Speaker:in the top division. I think we might
Speaker:have won the lower division of the
Speaker:year before, maybe two, maybe Division
Speaker:Three. We got bumped up a couple of
Speaker:divisions and we had a tough year. We won
Speaker:a few games along the way, but we're out
Speaker:of our depth and he came up to me after
Speaker:the game, his typical close after the
Speaker:game, after the last game, the end of the
Speaker:season. His typical close talking. He
Speaker:just said to me, I want you to promise me
Speaker:you're going to keep playing.
Speaker:Football. He said because you've
Speaker:got a gift and you need to use it
Speaker:now. That's just
Speaker:something that stuck with me and I did
Speaker:keep playing for a long time. I've had
Speaker:my last season of football, competitive
Speaker:football was a couple of years ago and I
Speaker:pretty much played since then with a few
Speaker:years off here and there, couple of
Speaker:little breaks for two or three years.
Speaker:But what more than just like the football
Speaker:ability, because I was never anything
Speaker:that was going to take me to great
Speaker:heights from a football perspective. But
Speaker:I can only imagine looking back that he
Speaker:saw something in me beyond football
Speaker:because it's certainly been something in
Speaker:my life that's been a place that I've
Speaker:learnt a lot about life. It's also a
Speaker:place where I've learned a lot about human
Speaker:behaviour and being able to.
Speaker:It's had to, yeah, a positive influence.
Speaker:It's such a great training ground. When
Speaker:when you when you
Speaker:face different challenges in different
Speaker:situations. For me personally, they often
Speaker:come to the surface on the sporting
Speaker:field, whether it's a lack of belief.
Speaker:Being able to find your voice, like I
Speaker:said, different emotions that
Speaker:come out, so frustration, always
Speaker:different things.
Speaker:Most prominent in in a sporting
Speaker:environment. And So what better place to
Speaker:learn to deal with those different
Speaker:challenges than that in that environment.
Speaker:And so hearing that message from
Speaker:Mr Happy as I called him back in the day
Speaker:was was something that
Speaker:really motivated me to continue
Speaker:to play but but also.
Speaker:The fact that it's stuck in my head all
Speaker:these years later, it must have really
Speaker:inspired me to.
Speaker:Well, to be better than than what I'd
Speaker:been to that point, because I hadn't
Speaker:really had a great deal of experience of
Speaker:people building me up to that extent
Speaker:and really believing in me and, and
Speaker:pushing me. And I really liked it
Speaker:and, and it was always.
Speaker:Something that helped me in lots of
Speaker:different areas, having someone there
Speaker:that was was did it in a
Speaker:kind way, but but pushed me
Speaker:and got me beyond what I
Speaker:thought I was capable of. And that's
Speaker:true. In.
Speaker:Sporting environment and a work
Speaker:environment. Social
Speaker:Environment. Just having
Speaker:someone in your corner that believes in
Speaker:you and is prepared to help push you
Speaker:along. Now,
Speaker:my parents gave me an awesome upbringing
Speaker:where they gave me the freedom of choice,
Speaker:and that's something I'm truly
Speaker:appreciative of because I know that.
Speaker:There are a lot of people that didn't get
Speaker:that opportunity just to to choose their
Speaker:own future beyond school
Speaker:and even subject choices, all of those
Speaker:different things.
Speaker:But there are times where I wish I'd been
Speaker:pushed more, so it was so good to have
Speaker:these mentors and coaches pop up
Speaker:throughout my life to to be able to help
Speaker:me to do that.
Speaker:Now like I said as a shy kid
Speaker:who didn't really have a voice and and
Speaker:kept always spoke quietly
Speaker:in in any environment. Like I said when I
Speaker:wasn't with my friends, always spoke
Speaker:really quietly because I didn't want to
Speaker:bring attention to myself in case I made
Speaker:a mistake or in case I
Speaker:got any sort of unwanted attention
Speaker:because I didn't have that confidence.
Speaker:And often attention ended up in me doing
Speaker:or saying something that I always
Speaker:felt myself. Made me look a
Speaker:certain way.
Speaker:So to have someone like that lift me up,
Speaker:absolute life changer. And this is our
Speaker:opportunity now as adults
Speaker:through sport to be able to make
Speaker:that same difference for young people.
Speaker:And that is something that I've
Speaker:definitely played, paid forward and
Speaker:made a big part of my life. I, I started
Speaker:coaching when I was probably only about 3
Speaker:or 4 years after that year, so when I was
Speaker:about 16, maybe 15/16/17. So
Speaker:I'm actually maybe a couple of years.
Speaker:Beyond that, and it's
Speaker:something I've always tried to
Speaker:do is to, to make it a fun experience, a
Speaker:positive experience for the people I've
Speaker:coached. And I know the difference
Speaker:again, making it and it's just,
Speaker:it's, it gives you so much satisfaction
Speaker:or fulfilment and if you've done any.
Speaker:Training, coaching, encouraging,
Speaker:mentoring and a work perspective. You
Speaker:know what I'm talking about. You know how
Speaker:beneficial that is. So my challenge to
Speaker:you is that. In your day to day
Speaker:life, can you identify
Speaker:where people are behaving in a way that
Speaker:maybe they could do with a boost?
Speaker:And just finding, trying to find the
Speaker:right thing to say at the right time to
Speaker:help them find a bit of that belief.
Speaker:Sometimes when people are acting in a way
Speaker:that you, you think, particularly if
Speaker:they're younger than you and you think
Speaker:maybe that behaviour is not really
Speaker:acceptable, I think instead.
Speaker:About what? What could they need
Speaker:to help them change their behaviour? Do
Speaker:they just need someone to listen to them?
Speaker:Do they just need some attention?
Speaker:Do they just need some structure? Maybe
Speaker:they just need to be taught something
Speaker:that they don't yet know?
Speaker:Then this could be you also when you're
Speaker:thinking about your your own children.
Speaker:Rather than diving into looking at what
Speaker:people are doing wrong and finding
Speaker:mistakes in things and being critical and
Speaker:holding people to standards which
Speaker:are unfair. Yeah, Come from that
Speaker:perspective, how can I build this person
Speaker:up? How can I help them to be better?
Speaker:Sometimes it's can be really quite
Speaker:challenging, particularly if that person
Speaker:'s behaviour is is. Really
Speaker:hard to take. I'm thinking about
Speaker:sometimes. When you're coaching
Speaker:young people and, and they're
Speaker:particularly intention
Speaker:seeking and sometimes
Speaker:maybe disruptive and,
Speaker:and a bit louder and, and a bit.
Speaker:Yeah, just just wanting to be that centre
Speaker:of attention instead of getting
Speaker:frustrated that yeah, how can you help
Speaker:them to to realise that that they.
Speaker:They are good at that, that they they do
Speaker:have a place in
Speaker:performing in front of people because the
Speaker:more what generally happens is if they're
Speaker:not given recognition for their ability
Speaker:to to be that centre of attention, then
Speaker:they'll find other ways to try and get
Speaker:that recognition. Sometimes it just
Speaker:requires someone like me
Speaker:or you to help them
Speaker:see that they're going better than they
Speaker:think and they don't need to be trying so
Speaker:hard. That's my challenge to you,
Speaker:is to look at that, look at the world
Speaker:through that lens. If you look at someone
Speaker:'s behaviour, particularly younger
Speaker:people, what do they need? What? What
Speaker:could you help them?
Speaker:What did you not get? What assistance did
Speaker:you not get that you needed that would
Speaker:have helped them in that situation? Or
Speaker:what assistance did you get that you can
Speaker:then pay for it?
Speaker:Such a positive impact we can have
Speaker:through that sporting environment.
Speaker:And it's free, but the payoff is
Speaker:massive. And
Speaker:if you've got a great story about a
Speaker:lesson you learned in sport, then let me
Speaker:know. Send me an email info@ianhawkins
Speaker:coaching. com. And if you're feeling
Speaker:really brave and you've got a great story
Speaker:that you've learned to hate from, and
Speaker:you're willing to pass that on by telling
Speaker:your story on the Sporty's Life podcast,
Speaker:then let me know that too. I'd love to
Speaker:have a chat to see if you're a good fit.
Speaker:And umm, yeah, together we can help even
Speaker:more people. To create positive changes
Speaker:in their life. Lift themselves up and
Speaker:maybe some of those people around them as
Speaker:well.
Speaker:You've taken the time to listen to this
Speaker:whole episode. Now it's time to take
Speaker:action. Commit to one thing you've
Speaker:learned today and make it happen. And to
Speaker:avoid any obstructions, join the Sporty's
Speaker:Life movement by clicking on the link in
Speaker:the show notes.
