#120 – The Curse of the High Performer: Why Success Never Feels Like Enough (And What To Do About It)
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Episode Summary:
In this episode of Sport Is Life, Ian Hawkins explores a familiar feeling for high performers—the pursuit of success that never seems quite enough. Drawing from his coaching work and interviews, Ian unpacks how misplaced success metrics, lack of self-awareness, and unsupported environments can lead even the most talented people to feel unfulfilled. He explains how recognising your unique "credentials" (your true strengths and gifts), getting the right support, and redefining success on your own terms can bring lasting satisfaction, purpose, and the results you’ve been chasing all along.
About the Host:
Ian Hawkins is dedicated to showing how sports can transform lives. With extensive experience as an athlete, a coach, PE teacher, community volunteer, and manager at Fox Sports, Ian brings a wealth of knowledge to the podcast. His journey began in his backyard, mentored by his older brother, and has since evolved into coaching elite athletes and business leaders. Ian's commitment to sports and personal development is evident in his roles as a performance coach and active community member. Through "Sport Is Life," Ian shares inspiring stories and valuable lessons to help listeners apply sports principles to all areas of life.
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Transcript
not a curse. It just can feel like it's
Speaker:the same thing with our really unique
Speaker:gifts and and qualities.
Speaker:Is it often when we turn up
Speaker:this way and people don't understand it,
Speaker:then we think when we do this thing that
Speaker:we're good at, it's not good because it
Speaker:results in this, whereas actually. It's
Speaker:more that just you don't have a self
Speaker:awareness around just how valuable your
Speaker:credentials are and the other people
Speaker:there don't know it because you don't
Speaker:know how to sell it.
Speaker:I'm Ian Hawkins and this is Sporty's
Speaker:life. The purpose of sport, as I
Speaker:see it, is to see your vision become a
Speaker:reality, find your voice, create
Speaker:strong connections and learn to trust
Speaker:your body.
Speaker:I've been doing interviews in a number of
Speaker:different forms since since the
Speaker:first pandemic lockdown. Actually, 2020
Speaker:probably interviewed over 250
Speaker:people. One of
Speaker:those guys I remember
Speaker:distinctly talking about how successful
Speaker:he'd been, how much he pushed himself.
Speaker:And he he recalled a time where he's
Speaker:sitting in his kitchen at the kitchen
Speaker:table, just opening his bank
Speaker:statements, seeing all of the zeros. He
Speaker:said I had so much money, he said. But at
Speaker:that place that I was in, I just wanted
Speaker:to top myself. He was so miserable
Speaker:because no matter how much money he
Speaker:earned, he never felt satisfied.
Speaker:Is one of the curses of chasing
Speaker:success. And it's not to say we want to
Speaker:stop chasing success, but it's important
Speaker:to have the right measures in place and
Speaker:and knowing what you're actually after
Speaker:because one of the if you're high
Speaker:performer like you are, then one of the
Speaker:challenges can be that no matter how well
Speaker:you do. You know that you're
Speaker:capable of more, and sometimes, if you
Speaker:allow it to, they can feel like
Speaker:failure all of the time. They can feel
Speaker:like you're not quite where you want to
Speaker:be. So one of the things he talked
Speaker:about was he was he was measuring his
Speaker:success the wrong way.
Speaker:Just had a conversation with a client
Speaker:and I was telling him this same story
Speaker:because that's exactly where he was at.
Speaker:He's like wasn't feeling like he was
Speaker:successful, but by
Speaker:unpacking what it is that he
Speaker:brought to the table. So his credentials,
Speaker:not his not the certificates, not
Speaker:the the letters behind his name,
Speaker:but his credentials of what what he
Speaker:bought, his gifts, his strengths, the
Speaker:things that he did that no one else did
Speaker:and the order he did them the. Of
Speaker:of these different parts of how he
Speaker:worked, those credentials, that's where
Speaker:the value is. And my understanding of
Speaker:that, it brings a sense of purpose to
Speaker:what you do. It gives you a result that
Speaker:goes well beyond whatever
Speaker:accolades, whatever money rewards,
Speaker:whatever anything
Speaker:else except the feeling that you
Speaker:get knowing. That is that
Speaker:internal fulfilment and satisfaction.
Speaker:Of what is it that you're doing? And
Speaker:that's not to say that.
Speaker:There's still important to receive those
Speaker:rewards. The person I was
Speaker:coaching today, it was a
Speaker:combination of was there a belief,
Speaker:an underlying belief that they weren't
Speaker:worthy of those rewards?
Speaker:Was it also a big factor is that they're
Speaker:actually just in the wrong environment
Speaker:and needing to get clear on, OK, well,
Speaker:where have you got success? And when we
Speaker:break that down, all of the elements were
Speaker:still there, except one important
Speaker:ingredient was missing, and that was
Speaker:getting support. When he'd had
Speaker:environments where he was supported from
Speaker:the top and boy, all of the important
Speaker:people, he was able to do his magic. But
Speaker:he still does to this day.
Speaker:Brings people together, connects them.
Speaker:He gets the best people for a team and he
Speaker:makes he gets incredible results and he
Speaker:gets them fast.
Speaker:But because he didn't have that.
Speaker:Clarity and because he's
Speaker:measuring success purely by a
Speaker:couple of different metrics which weren't
Speaker:serving him. He was in that same not not
Speaker:in that same darkness that I described
Speaker:in the story. The guy talking about
Speaker:killing himself, but wanting to or
Speaker:feeling like he wanted to, but rather
Speaker:just that feeling of like I'm I'm pushing
Speaker:for so many moments, so much success, but
Speaker:no matter how much success I get. Never
Speaker:feels like enough. And this, yeah, like
Speaker:I, I was, I was
Speaker:contemplating calling this
Speaker:episode the the Curse of the High
Speaker:Performer. It's not a curse. It
Speaker:just can feel like it's the same thing
Speaker:with our really unique gifts and
Speaker:and qualities. Is it
Speaker:often when we turn up this way
Speaker:and people don't understand it, then we
Speaker:think when we do this thing that we're
Speaker:good at, it's not good because it results
Speaker:in this, whereas actually. It's more that
Speaker:just you don't have a self awareness
Speaker:around just how valuable your credentials
Speaker:are and the other people there
Speaker:don't know it because you don't know how
Speaker:to sell it. You know how to articulate
Speaker:it. You know how to bring it forward
Speaker:with with all of your being. Because if
Speaker:there's a doubt or if there's a pattern
Speaker:running that says you know that the
Speaker:outcome is going to be here or you're
Speaker:measuring the success the wrong way. Then
Speaker:the body language that the actual words
Speaker:you use, the expectation, all of these
Speaker:things are going to come out in the
Speaker:conversations you have the interactions.
Speaker:All the different environments and you're
Speaker:going to get the results that you get
Speaker:because there's there's something there
Speaker:that's telling you it's not good or it's
Speaker:not valuable to knowing your
Speaker:credentials, knowing your value.
Speaker:Knowing just how valuable you are.
Speaker:By just doing the things that you already
Speaker:do well in the right environment with
Speaker:the right success measures. Then you
Speaker:can find that satisfaction, you can find
Speaker:that fulfilment and you can
Speaker:ironically get the results of those
Speaker:rewards that you are pushing for in the
Speaker:first place. Get those things in
Speaker:place. So important.
Speaker:Another important thing was that the
Speaker:support, and he was
Speaker:getting that support from me, that
Speaker:validation of knowing that he's in the
Speaker:right place, doing the right thing, but
Speaker:also making sure his future
Speaker:opportunities, whatever they happen to
Speaker:be, whether it was working.
Speaker:In this football coaching or any other
Speaker:situation, that he was getting the best
Speaker:results if he had that support.
Speaker:So a question for you
Speaker:is.
Speaker:Where are you feeling this
Speaker:curse? Where are you
Speaker:chasing success? Pushing for success, but
Speaker:you're never really feeling fully
Speaker:satisfied. You always feel like you could
Speaker:be doing better. And
Speaker:once you've got that self awareness, it's
Speaker:like, well, how can I be looking at this
Speaker:differently? How can I measure it
Speaker:differently? What is the gap? What's
Speaker:missing? What do I need that I don't have?
Speaker:What are the environments where I have
Speaker:had success and I've felt that it's been
Speaker:successful and other people have
Speaker:recognised that what what was there,
Speaker:what sort of environment, what sort of
Speaker:things were happening that is not there
Speaker:now?Once you find those
Speaker:gaps and you.
Speaker:Fill those gaps. That's when you're
Speaker:going to start getting that exponential
Speaker:curve of success, consistency,
Speaker:feeling that satisfaction that. We're all
Speaker:after.
Speaker:You've taken the time to listen to this
Speaker:whole episode. Now it's time to take
Speaker:action. Commit to one thing you've
Speaker:learned today and make it happen. And to
Speaker:avoid any obstructions, join the Sporty's
Speaker:Life movement by clicking on the link in
Speaker:the show notes.
