#84 – Sport as a Sanctuary: Finding Courage, Identity, and Purpose Beyond the Game - Kehly MacDuff
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Episode Summary:
Ian Hawkins welcomes Kehly MacDuff to discuss the transformative role of sports in personal growth. Kehly shares how athletics have shaped her resilience, identity, and purpose beyond competition.
This episode delves into the emotional and psychological impact of sports, the lessons learned through challenges, and how athletes can redefine themselves after their playing days. Whether you're an athlete or someone seeking inspiration, this conversation offers valuable insights on self-discovery and perseverance.
About the Guest:
Kehly MacDuff is an incredible individual who has overcome various challenges in her life. She has experienced childhood trauma, sexual abuse, and even near-death experiences. However, she didn't allow these circumstances to define her.
Instead, she poured her heart and soul into sports, particularly volleyball. Her dedication and hard work paid off when she received a full ride NCAA Division One scholarship to University of Arkansas at Little Rock, for volleyball, and successfully completed her Bachelor's Degree in Health and Exercise Science.
But Kehly didn't stop there. She embarked on a two-year journey, traveling the world. This adventure allowed her to explore different cultures and gain valuable life experiences.
After returning from her travels, Kehly opened her own private health and wellness studio. There, she trained an impressive number of clients every day, ranging from athletes seeking sport-specific training to people from all walks of life looking to improve their overall well-being.
Currently, Kehly's focus is on guiding and helping individuals all around the world live a life that's worth living. She takes a holistic approach, addressing the body, mind, and soul aspects of wellness. Through her expertise and personal experiences, Kehly inspires others to overcome their own challenges and live their best lives.
About the Host:
Ian Hawkins, host of "Sport Is Life," is dedicated to showing how sports can transform lives. With extensive experience as an athlete, a coach, PE teacher, community volunteer, and manager at Fox Sports, Ian brings a wealth of knowledge to the podcast. His journey began in his backyard, mentored by his older brother, and has since evolved into coaching elite athletes and business leaders. Ian's commitment to sports and personal development is evident in his roles as a performance coach and active community member. Through "Sport Is Life," Ian shares inspiring stories and valuable lessons to help listeners apply sports principles to all areas of life.
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Transcript
Yeah. I always say like, it's like a
Speaker:tennis balls coming at you and you're
Speaker:like dodging. Then it's like a bowling
Speaker:ball and then it's a boulder or like the
Speaker:alarm clock and you just keep hitting
Speaker:snooze. Yeah.
Speaker:So how many times are you getting snooze
Speaker:and like, you know, physically, you know,
Speaker:energetically whatever. I know lots of
Speaker:times I'm like, no, stop that down or no,
Speaker:not acknowledging it, right? Like, so
Speaker:that's what I mean about like, you know,
Speaker:you got to kind of ignore that inner,
Speaker:that inner intuition for so long.
Speaker:And whether it's you lose somebody or you
Speaker:hurt yourself or something really bad
Speaker:happens, right, ultimately. The universe
Speaker:God's going to get your attention if you
Speaker:don't want to listen yeah,
Speaker:In today's episode, we have a deeply
Speaker:personal and important
Speaker:conversation. Today's guest, Kelly
Speaker:Mcduff, bravely shares her
Speaker:challenges and adversity at a young
Speaker:age, including experiencing sexual
Speaker:assault. She also shares her
Speaker:courage to be able to heal
Speaker:the journey that she continued to go
Speaker:on, developing adversity that
Speaker:took her all the way to being
Speaker:an NCA Acollege volleyball
Speaker:athlete to win a full scholarship at an
Speaker:American College. She
Speaker:shares all the learnings from
Speaker:the. Adversity she
Speaker:faced from the challenges that she
Speaker:continued to face and as I said, the
Speaker:courage that she had to
Speaker:find in herself to be able to
Speaker:still live her life to the fullest.
Speaker:And then also a love, how
Speaker:she's then been able to pay that forward
Speaker:in how she helps other people now too.
Speaker:I'm Ian Hawkins and this is Sporty's
Speaker:life. The purpose of sport, as I
Speaker:see it, is to see your vision become a
Speaker:reality, find your voice, create
Speaker:strong connections and learn to trust
Speaker:your body.
Speaker:Hi Kelly, how you going Good. How are you
Speaker:really good now you
Speaker:played NCA Acollege
Speaker:level volleyball?For those of
Speaker:us in Australia, a lot of sports fans are
Speaker:going to know the significance, but maybe
Speaker:just explain the significance of playing
Speaker:at that level from from an outside
Speaker:of the US perspective.
Speaker:Yeah, so I'm actually from Canada. So
Speaker:going to play in the US is an ultimate
Speaker:like the American dream, right? And
Speaker:and not that volleyball doesn't have a
Speaker:high level of volleyball, it's
Speaker:just when you get a scholarship for post
Speaker:secondary school specifically. Division
Speaker:One, they pay for everything so your
Speaker:books, your tuition, your living, you fly
Speaker:to games, you have like a practise gym
Speaker:and you know, our home, our home stadium
Speaker:was 5600 people like and then
Speaker:you know, it's just that it's more of a
Speaker:culture and a community and.
Speaker:Sorry, what age is this? Sorry. Oh, so
Speaker:post secondary, like, so college,
Speaker:university. So you're outside of high
Speaker:school. Yeah. So it's a big deal,
Speaker:right? Like having all of that. Yeah.
Speaker:Having all that paid for and we own a
Speaker:scholarship. Yeah, I had a full ride
Speaker:Division One scholarship. Wow. So that's
Speaker:the highest level you can play in post
Speaker:secondary, like in university. And
Speaker:where you can get like the highest amount
Speaker:of scholarship dollars towards your
Speaker:education and your living. So so you
Speaker:didn't walk out with a huge college debt
Speaker:like most people do? No, I didn't.
Speaker:No so I played my first two years
Speaker:in in Canada to college and typically
Speaker:even people in the US would go to like a
Speaker:college 2 years prior to going to the
Speaker:university. They call it a JUCO. So
Speaker:junior college. And then you transfer to
Speaker:like university and then the difference
Speaker:between Canada and the US on a post
Speaker:secondary level is. You have five years
Speaker:eligibility in Canada, so they distribute
Speaker:your four year degree in over A
Speaker:5 year period. And then in the
Speaker:US it's four years eligibility, 4 years
Speaker:to your degree. So you're expected
Speaker:to have like, you know, you're a full
Speaker:time athlete. It's like having a full
Speaker:time job. You're going every weekend,
Speaker:you're competing every day and you also
Speaker:have to keep your GPA up as well or else
Speaker:you'll not be eligible to play. So
Speaker:there's, there's a lot of expectation put
Speaker:on. Physically, mentally, emotionally,
Speaker:academically, you know, just giving
Speaker:back to the community, that kind of
Speaker:stuff. Yeah, and did. Was
Speaker:that exacerbated at all by parents who
Speaker:were putting pressure on you as well in
Speaker:any way or it was more just your own
Speaker:journey? You did what you wanted to do?
Speaker:Yeah. No, I didn't have my parents in
Speaker:my life. My mom only watched one game
Speaker:ever in my entire life. They both, umm,
Speaker:they went down the path of addiction
Speaker:started with like alcohol and cocaine to
Speaker:crack to heroin to my dad
Speaker:overdosed in 2021, but he
Speaker:was not in my life for majority. My life
Speaker:until the last two years of his life. And
Speaker:then my mom, I lost umm, I got taken away
Speaker:in grade 6 because she was
Speaker:selling cocaine and and weed and we were
Speaker:being left at home all by ourselves, you
Speaker:know, no food, no, no parents, no
Speaker:nothing. And yeah so
Speaker:my mom passed away when I was in grade
Speaker:11. So five years she was using and it
Speaker:went from cocaine to crack to heroin to
Speaker:ultimately a brain aneurysm claimed her
Speaker:life and she passed away on the job she
Speaker:was. Get cleaned up, you know, trying to
Speaker:get back together and get her life back
Speaker:on track and just too late, her body.
Speaker:Yeah, so sports kept me on
Speaker:the right path and kept me driven to
Speaker:create a better future than what I was
Speaker:born into and the the, the
Speaker:lifestyle that my parents chose to live.
Speaker:And I realised growing upthat we had a
Speaker:choice. And I realised it wasa choice
Speaker:that my parents to use drugs and to try
Speaker:to numb their their trauma and their
Speaker:pain. So I seen seen what it can do to
Speaker:you. So I tried to go the opposite way
Speaker:and it served me really well. So it took
Speaker:me to the highest level that I wanted to
Speaker:play, and that was always a dream.
Speaker:Awesome. So you made a conscious
Speaker:choice, which is massive at that age. But
Speaker:I guess when you go through experiences
Speaker:like that, you have to grow up really
Speaker:fast. So with sport,
Speaker:yes, it was a place to channel your
Speaker:energy, but was also, in a way,
Speaker:escape from what you're experiencing
Speaker:elsewhere. Yeah, that's exactly
Speaker:what it was. It was, you know, like an
Speaker:alternate reality at home. It
Speaker:was like somebody's worst nightmare. And
Speaker:many things in my childhood was a living
Speaker:nightmare. But school and sports was my
Speaker:safe place. So, you know,
Speaker:and at that time, I was so ashamed and
Speaker:embarrassed. I never shared any of what I
Speaker:was going through at, you know, at
Speaker:school. Maybe there was some red flags
Speaker:along the way, but for the most part, I
Speaker:was able to like, you know, put on a mask
Speaker:and be a performer, right? Because as
Speaker:athletes, you're kind of. Showing that
Speaker:emotions are not welcome anyway. And, you
Speaker:know, whether you're too excited or, you
Speaker:know, mad and it's just like, you got to
Speaker:keep it under wraps either way. So just
Speaker:kind of wasn't an environment that it
Speaker:was, was not welcomed, right. Yeah,
Speaker:Yeah. And to me, that's
Speaker:still true for sport. It's it's such a
Speaker:sanctuary. It's you can you can
Speaker:be fully present in the moment away from
Speaker:the other things that you're doing, other
Speaker:things that you've got going on your
Speaker:life. I've heard professional athletes
Speaker:talk about that are really good ones.
Speaker:Being able to detach themselves from the
Speaker:drama in their life in those moments. And
Speaker:I think we're all have.
Speaker:Well, I'll retract
Speaker:that. Maybe not all, but I feel like it's
Speaker:a big thing for a lot of people to be
Speaker:able to find that. Yeah.
Speaker:And I found, you know, if
Speaker:you're the American Dream, like I said.
Speaker:And I actually found it to be lonelier at
Speaker:the top, even though I was surrounded by
Speaker:a lot of people. Because
Speaker:I, you know, we're kind of taught to
Speaker:like, not talk about anything personally,
Speaker:not get yourself into trouble, like, you
Speaker:know, keep everything pretty clean. You
Speaker:don't want anything being released or,
Speaker:you know, like, 'cause you're under the
Speaker:the eye of. You know, the National
Speaker:College sports, right, It's a, it's a big
Speaker:deal. You have a contract, you have, you
Speaker:know, your part to live out to too. And
Speaker:their rules are you can't drink 24 hours
Speaker:before practise and 48 hoursbefore a
Speaker:game. And there's no, you know, drugs
Speaker:because there's random testing as well.
Speaker:So you're kind of, you know, got your
Speaker:back up against the wall and you're
Speaker:pretty hyper vigilant on, you know, what
Speaker:you're doing and hanging out with and
Speaker:what you're saying. Not only because
Speaker:you're afraid to speak about something,
Speaker:but like maybe the repercussions of what
Speaker:could happen. What did you
Speaker:learn about yourself having to, I guess
Speaker:in a way, detach yourself from what
Speaker:everyone else was doing in that
Speaker:environment?Like in
Speaker:like around me, like as the other
Speaker:athletes or the people around me, like if
Speaker:I had the family. If you think about you,
Speaker:how you said you had to step into this
Speaker:space where it's quite lonely and you're
Speaker:like, I'm picturing my
Speaker:experience at university. What we
Speaker:know about that age for lots of people is
Speaker:that when they start exploring different
Speaker:areas of life, and it's usually a lot of
Speaker:great times as well. But if you're
Speaker:training and you're being told what you
Speaker:can and can't do, I imagine you're having
Speaker:to be very selective. About what you can
Speaker:get yourself involved in.
Speaker:Yeah, which again can be like you
Speaker:described, isolating so. So what do you
Speaker:learn through that?
Speaker:You still use today about being able to
Speaker:have that discipline. Yeah, and that's
Speaker:exactly you took the word right out of my
Speaker:mouth. I would say discipline is number
Speaker:one. People are always like, oh, I'm not
Speaker:motivated and and honestly, like I'm
Speaker:really motivated to do anything. But it
Speaker:just you know how it makes you feel and
Speaker:you know that it gets you one step closer
Speaker:to, you know, achieving that goal. But
Speaker:for me, a discipline in that teamwork and
Speaker:that persistence and and just.
Speaker:Committing to that goal and like
Speaker:honouring yourself because it was myself
Speaker:that set that goal initially to get there
Speaker:and then they're just there to hold you
Speaker:accountable. But at the end of the day,
Speaker:it's really up to you to do the work and
Speaker:nobody can do it for you. So, you know, a
Speaker:lot of people could end up with a
Speaker:scholarship, but a lot of people actually
Speaker:drop out or flunk out of their GPA is not
Speaker:good enough or, or they start hanging out
Speaker:with the wrong crowd. So it's really easy
Speaker:to get distracted and especially, you
Speaker:know, you're kind of like a like as an
Speaker:athlete, you're kind of treated like,
Speaker:like a. Especially in the States, like
Speaker:athletes down there really treated well
Speaker:and. Like I said,
Speaker:it's like that culture in that community
Speaker:and, and it feels good, but then when you
Speaker:leave that community and you don't have,
Speaker:you know, that identity anymore. And
Speaker:that's where I think I really
Speaker:transitioned is once I was
Speaker:not a post secondary high level athlete
Speaker:anymore. Like who am I? I'm not being
Speaker:told what to do. I'm not given a
Speaker:schedule. I don't have to
Speaker:act a certain way. I don't have to talk a
Speaker:certain way. You know, you just really
Speaker:start to discover, like, who your true
Speaker:authentic self is. And I realised I had
Speaker:no idea who I was. I was
Speaker:literally just performing and
Speaker:entertaining, you know, and not in a bad
Speaker:way, but as an athlete, that's what you
Speaker:kind of do, right? Yeah. Oh
Speaker:man, I want to come back to that because
Speaker:that's something that people face.
Speaker:At the absolutely at that elite level,
Speaker:but also just in day to day life, I see
Speaker:so many people just. They have
Speaker:that taken away from them and they're
Speaker:like, well, what am I without that? But I
Speaker:want to just tap into more of that, like
Speaker:what you described before about the the
Speaker:childhood choice. So did you, did
Speaker:you have a dream around sport and
Speaker:was it specifically volleyball or what?
Speaker:And if so, what was that?
Speaker:So umm, I'll
Speaker:start with like around grade 6. So that's
Speaker:where my we got taken with from my mom
Speaker:and we all we're going to be put into
Speaker:foster care and social services. And
Speaker:I ended up going to live with my best
Speaker:friend thinking that was a better choice
Speaker:for me. And I had set a
Speaker:goal to wanting to play at the next
Speaker:level. Umm, but I went from like one bad
Speaker:household to another bad household. And
Speaker:when I was at my, my childhood best
Speaker:friends. Dad started raping me
Speaker:for a year and a half period. So
Speaker:I had so much anger and
Speaker:rage and like, I was
Speaker:just, you know, a shell of a human. And I
Speaker:took all that anger and rage to the
Speaker:court. So it kind of came off as maybe a
Speaker:chip on my shoulder, maybe a aggressive
Speaker:hard worker, like grit. And
Speaker:when I moved out of that environment
Speaker:finally. That's when I wrote in my
Speaker:journal because I wanted to get out of
Speaker:this town, out of this area. I didn't. I
Speaker:didn't have any parents. I had been
Speaker:orphaned, you know, from my dad's. I was
Speaker:four years old, my mom when I was 11. So
Speaker:I just really had no positive role
Speaker:models and the only people I had positive
Speaker:in my life were my coaches. So in grade
Speaker:9, I wrote in my journal, and I still
Speaker:have this journal today that I want to
Speaker:play at an elite level. And it didn't put
Speaker:a specific sport because I played boss on
Speaker:volleyball and I just put an elite
Speaker:level NCA. AAnd
Speaker:I didn't really even know what that meant
Speaker:at that point. I just knew that was like
Speaker:kind of the American dream, right? So I I
Speaker:funnelled all that anger and rage for my
Speaker:childhood. Being sexually abused
Speaker:for a long, long time and it
Speaker:took me 20 years to even, you know, get
Speaker:that secret out of me because I didn't
Speaker:know how to bring it forward without
Speaker:crushing so many other people's worlds.
Speaker:You know, it already destroyed me
Speaker:internally and I, I held on to that like
Speaker:it was mine to hold. Trying to protect
Speaker:others and realising, you know, there was
Speaker:things that were still really affecting
Speaker:me, you know, in my day to day life that
Speaker:not many people would recogn ise, but I
Speaker:was, I was noticing in my nervous system
Speaker:certain. Situations or I was like I said,
Speaker:I was that hyper vigilant kind of wall
Speaker:against the back, like not really trust
Speaker:trustworthy and like trusting of
Speaker:other people. And then
Speaker:what really sparked it is I decided I
Speaker:wanted to have children with my partner
Speaker:and they ended up miscarrying. So this
Speaker:brought up all this sexual trauma
Speaker:and then it was like, you know, time to
Speaker:be healed obviously, because I feel like
Speaker:when it's meant to be healed, it will
Speaker:reveal itself and. 20
Speaker:years, it was inside of me and I didn't
Speaker:tell a single person. I didn't even put
Speaker:words to it. I didn't write it down and
Speaker:hear somewhere where to find it. And
Speaker:yeah, it served me well and it got me to
Speaker:the highest level. But, you know, I, I
Speaker:definitely put my body and my mind and my
Speaker:soul through a living hell to get there,
Speaker:even though externally, you know, people
Speaker:would have thought that I had the best
Speaker:life and the best dream and I must have
Speaker:like, the most supportive parent and, you
Speaker:know, I had none of that.
Speaker:Well, what age were you when, when you
Speaker:went to live with your? I was 12
Speaker:years old, so 12 to 14 years old.
Speaker:He groomed me for like the first six
Speaker:months and love on me and did all
Speaker:the things to build that trust and that
Speaker:connection and, and he would do it when
Speaker:they were home, coming into my bedroom
Speaker:and when they were sleeping and, and I
Speaker:didn't know how to like react and I was
Speaker:so afraid of him too, right. So. Yeah, I
Speaker:took a lot of that rage outside of the
Speaker:home and definitely wasn't processing it
Speaker:in the right way, but.
Speaker:Yeah, just sports, I would say. Saved my
Speaker:life in many, many ways.
Speaker:Yeah. Wow. See 20
Speaker:years where you kept that to yourself.
Speaker:What? You don't necessarily know it when
Speaker:you're in it, but it must
Speaker:have been tearing you apart. Like what do
Speaker:you know? Like do you look back now and
Speaker:and look at the impacts it was having? I
Speaker:know you just talked about how you would
Speaker:channel that anger, but what else must
Speaker:have been affecting you at so many levels?
Speaker:Not committing to, you know, a
Speaker:significant partner, a romantic
Speaker:relationship. I was in long term
Speaker:relationships, but I would never. Umm,
Speaker:talk about the future or being married or
Speaker:having children. Because
Speaker:ultimately I didn't trust anybody and I
Speaker:didn't even know what love was because
Speaker:anybody who said they loved me were
Speaker:hurting me, whether it was my mom or my
Speaker:dad or, you know, people who were
Speaker:supposed to take care of me and they said
Speaker:they loved me. So I think ultimately
Speaker:anybody who maybe said they love me but
Speaker:their actions in the line, I didn't. I
Speaker:never really trusted that right? I
Speaker:really. And mine's love language, acts of
Speaker:service and and quality time. So if
Speaker:you're just giving me lip service, I'm
Speaker:not listening. Like I see through it
Speaker:right, so. Definitely. I would say
Speaker:trust issues and.
Speaker:Like if anybody was yelling and screaming
Speaker:or really like aggressive, I would like
Speaker:shut down and like, you know, freeze
Speaker:later on. Like little things like my
Speaker:partner would go grab my inner thigh and
Speaker:then I would, you know, jolt and freeze.
Speaker:And I wouldn't really know why because
Speaker:they were doing out of love, out of
Speaker:genuine care. And that's just how I was
Speaker:being abused. Like I'd be woken up by
Speaker:like him coming at my like, inner thigh
Speaker:and like I was in a dead of sleep. So for
Speaker:me, it was just like noticing those
Speaker:little things that I kind of get that
Speaker:nervous system charge or my heart rate's
Speaker:beating out of my chest or, you know, I'm
Speaker:sweating in certain situations that
Speaker:aren't even relevant to the present
Speaker:moment. So just to become so aware of
Speaker:that and wanting to heal that for myself
Speaker:and then figuring out, you know, that
Speaker:root cause.
Speaker:Awful.
Speaker:Do you I want to come back to that what
Speaker:you talked about the the moments that
Speaker:that are completely unrelated because
Speaker:it's a really powerful thing, but.
Speaker:Do you find that now 'cause you, you
Speaker:coach people in sport, but you're also
Speaker:mentoring and guiding people in other
Speaker:ways as well? Do you find you attract
Speaker:people who have walked a similar path
Speaker:and, and, and you can actually help
Speaker:them through those challenges because
Speaker:you've been on this journey? Yeah, I tend
Speaker:to attract like every walk of
Speaker:life, but the people who want to do the
Speaker:inner work and then the trauma healing
Speaker:and, you know. Regulation of the nervous
Speaker:system and that kind of stuff and just
Speaker:learning daily tools and practises. They
Speaker:have to hit rock bottom about six to
Speaker:seven times, whether that's a near the
Speaker:death experience or trialling and airing
Speaker:every diet and every supplement and fad
Speaker:and wrap, every kind of
Speaker:shortcut. And then they're
Speaker:finally like, OK Kelly, OK, I'm ready to
Speaker:do the work because most of the time they
Speaker:'d come to me for training first. And of
Speaker:course, you know, they get fit and break
Speaker:their PRS and they're feeling better in
Speaker:their in their clothes, but they're still
Speaker:not like hole on the inside, right?And
Speaker:then they're like, hey, I'm gonna get
Speaker:this nutrition, you know, so I can feel
Speaker:my body for for my day and my activity
Speaker:level and what my goals are. And then
Speaker:they still have that, you know, matter in
Speaker:their brain or that frog in their throat
Speaker:or that ache in their back or, you know,
Speaker:continuing to like, you know, hurt
Speaker:themselves or, you know, maybe
Speaker:attract toxic relationships or
Speaker:certain endings that keep happening. And
Speaker:so, yeah, they kind of have to go down
Speaker:their own journey. And I'm always like,
Speaker:hi, like it's not, it's not an easy path,
Speaker:but it's worth it. And the only way out
Speaker:is through. So when you're ready. And I
Speaker:only help, you know, help people who want
Speaker:to help themselves 1st. And they take
Speaker:radical responsibility and
Speaker:they take ownership of what their part
Speaker:is. And I would say in the
Speaker:past, I help people, you know, work from
Speaker:the outside in. And now I'm working from
Speaker:the inside out. I
Speaker:have had the body, I've had the success,
Speaker:all the things and that didn't make me
Speaker:any happier. So I had to literally
Speaker:collapse my whole life and like clear
Speaker:out everything and really.
Speaker:Build from the foundation up in a solid
Speaker:solid way and one that I can
Speaker:sustain and obtain and
Speaker:like find peace and joy along the way
Speaker:and not feel like it needs to be like
Speaker:hustle and grind. And you know, do do
Speaker:do 'cause I was an
Speaker:over cheater too, right?
Speaker:Oh, well, I, I
Speaker:really honour you, , Kellythat you're
Speaker:able to come on and talk so openly about
Speaker:this. And yeah, if anyone that's been
Speaker:through that, they will definitely relate
Speaker:to the impact that's had. And I want to
Speaker:touch on one of those impacts, whether no
Speaker:matter what experience you've had in the
Speaker:past, we have these moments
Speaker:where our body reacts in a certain
Speaker:way and when there's no logical
Speaker:reason for it, we can't explain it and we
Speaker:react and we're like. Must be something
Speaker:wrong with me, right? Could be something
Speaker:wrong with me. So can you talk a little
Speaker:bit about that and explain to the
Speaker:listeners and the viewers like how
Speaker:that works from a nervous system
Speaker:perspective, how these things then impact
Speaker:us in unrelated moments like you said,
Speaker:when you get kind of like, would you say
Speaker:cold sweats or whatever, like from
Speaker:nowhere and and how important it is to be
Speaker:able to process that so that you can.
Speaker:Yeah, free your body up. Yeah.
Speaker:So I mean, I had to give my power away a
Speaker:few times before I learned my lesson and,
Speaker:and creating boundaries with myself and
Speaker:other people was the first step. And
Speaker:I had given my power away a few times,
Speaker:whether that's through my physical
Speaker:response or verbal response or emotional
Speaker:response. And I realised it's
Speaker:notreally
Speaker:necessarily like I said, that situation
Speaker:of the person. So I, I started with like
Speaker:Reiki, so energy healing. Balancing
Speaker:your chakras. So just doing kind of the
Speaker:inner work on myself to try to figure out
Speaker:what that was because I didn't really
Speaker:know what it was. So I just became
Speaker:curious of like, how can I heal myself or
Speaker:how can I better myself for for myself
Speaker:and for other people. So just to
Speaker:you know, one from Reiki to psychic
Speaker:medium chef to capture record readings to
Speaker:indoor card readings. So just trying to
Speaker:find that clarity again outside of
Speaker:myself. And then now you know, I'm
Speaker:to a point where I just TuneIn internally
Speaker:and. Umm, ask my buddy what I need
Speaker:that day and it might be just having a
Speaker:bath or it might be like, you know what,
Speaker:I need a 5 minute bathroom break and
Speaker:you're just going to do like deep
Speaker:breathing in the bathroom. I'm going for
Speaker:a walk in nature, exercising and moving
Speaker:your body. So just doing those daily
Speaker:things that bring up that frequency and,
Speaker:and you know, building that strong aura.
Speaker:So you know, the negativity can bounce
Speaker:off of you and you don't absorb it. Cause
Speaker:a lot of the stuff that I had wasn't even
Speaker:mine to carry. So that was. The biggest
Speaker:chore is clearing what bullshit wasn't
Speaker:mine to begin with and then
Speaker:figuring out, OK, what is mine? And then
Speaker:how do I approach that? And you know,
Speaker:like a, a mini, like a micro, you know,
Speaker:steps because it's not going to be an
Speaker:overnight process. I mean, I've been on
Speaker:my healing journey now for like 16 years.
Speaker:And I literally just three
Speaker:years ago was able to look at the
Speaker:deepest, darkest parts of myself that I
Speaker:never wanted to look at. I never wanted
Speaker:to admit I never wanted. Energy too,
Speaker:right. So so it is a long
Speaker:road and and it's OK and every day is
Speaker:a new day. Yeah, it's
Speaker:ongoing. We it's not like we're
Speaker:we cure ourselves of everything. It's
Speaker:then continuing to to find the next
Speaker:thing We just get much better at dealing
Speaker:with it. I think that's one of the really
Speaker:important lessons I learned was that you
Speaker:think you just got to get to this place
Speaker:when I'll be happy when all this happens
Speaker:and it's like well life brings ups and
Speaker:downs that's just a given like. Entity
Speaker:of let's seasons it's yeah.
Speaker:So just being able to get better at
Speaker:what's like holding your nerve through
Speaker:the challenges and and the the quicker
Speaker:you can like you describe, learn the
Speaker:lesson or reach acceptance, then the the
Speaker:faster you're able to move back to
Speaker:something more positive. You you mentioned
Speaker:2 words there that I think are really
Speaker:important for people to really take
Speaker:on board when they're ready and that's
Speaker:being curious. So starting to ask better
Speaker:questions when you've been through and
Speaker:you've hit your six or seven rock
Speaker:bottoms, I'm fascinated that you've got
Speaker:to hit that many.
Speaker:Because it's like I'm thinking back
Speaker:going, well, yeah, but then.
Speaker:OK. I think 6 or 7 until
Speaker:maybe some big event rocks you, which is
Speaker:like worth maybe worth about four or five
Speaker:perhaps. Yeah. I always say like, it's
Speaker:like a tennis balls coming at you and
Speaker:you're like dodging. Then it's like a
Speaker:bowling ball and then it's a boulder or
Speaker:like the alarm clock and you just keep
Speaker:hitting snooze. Yeah. So how
Speaker:many times are you getting snooze and
Speaker:like, you know, physically, you know,
Speaker:energetically whatever. I know lots of
Speaker:times I'm like, no, stop that down or no,
Speaker:not acknowledging it, right? Like, so
Speaker:that's what I mean about like, you know,
Speaker:you got to kind of ignore that inner,
Speaker:that inner intuition for so long. And
Speaker:whether it's you lose somebody or you
Speaker:hurt yourself or something really bad
Speaker:happens, right, ultimately. The universe
Speaker:God's going to get your attention if you
Speaker:don't want to listen yeah, I, I, I
Speaker:learned the same concept through feather,
Speaker:brick, truck. And and if you don't listen
Speaker:to the feather, you're going to get the
Speaker:brick, which is just a bit more brutal
Speaker:and then if you don't, then the truck
Speaker:comes right. I think it's
Speaker:what you said there. It's like we we
Speaker:don't have to have these major things
Speaker:from our childhood for us to to have
Speaker:these patterns that run out. But it is
Speaker:important that at some point we we stop
Speaker:and actually. Address what it is or
Speaker:the lesson will keep playing out and let
Speaker:you just come back to those words curious
Speaker:and responsible curious because then you
Speaker:need to start asking better questions and
Speaker:I think as you would know you said you've
Speaker:been on this journey for 16 years being
Speaker:open to doing something differently that
Speaker:that every part of your programming has
Speaker:told you So what the stuffing down
Speaker:emotions we. We stuffed down
Speaker:emotions. I imagine for your
Speaker:scenario there was an element of stuffing
Speaker:it down to keep yourself safe. And I
Speaker:think that's what people do in general,
Speaker:whatever safe means for them. Emotionally
Speaker:safe, mentally safe, physically safe.
Speaker:Keep stuffing it down and then it becomes
Speaker:such a hard wired pattern that it then
Speaker:repeats. And then being curious and being
Speaker:open to a new way and taking
Speaker:responsibility, which to me is
Speaker:one of the most, if not most
Speaker:challenging. Levels of acceptance
Speaker:but also the absolute most free.
Speaker:So how would you?
Speaker:What tips would you have PE for people
Speaker:who who are like me when I first learnt
Speaker:that going, I take responsibility for
Speaker:everything in my life. There's no fucking
Speaker:way that I'm being responsible for all
Speaker:these really poor things that happened to
Speaker:me. But ultimately you learn that, well,
Speaker:that's the only way to take back control.
Speaker:So what what are some tips you would give
Speaker:people to be able to step into that place
Speaker:of responsibility? You perhaps aren't
Speaker:quite there yet. Yeah, I would say, you
Speaker:know, of course, it's not maybe
Speaker:necessarily your fault with what happened
Speaker:to you, but it is your responsibility to
Speaker:heal and do something about you. So
Speaker:you're not, you know, oozing onto your
Speaker:loved ones as well and kind of, you know,
Speaker:an eye for an eye mentality and that chip
Speaker:on your shoulder, like, you know,
Speaker:somebody owes you something. And then
Speaker:secondly, I would say don't take it so
Speaker:personally. Like usually it's not about
Speaker:us. Something that happens to us or
Speaker:somebody says something or does
Speaker:something, it's usually a reflection of
Speaker:them. So I would say, you know,
Speaker:whatever you're being triggered,
Speaker:look at it like, OK, if I'm being
Speaker:triggered, what is it in me that needs a
Speaker:part of healing or a little visit with,
Speaker:right so. Let's say you're feeling
Speaker:jealous and you know, maybe there's
Speaker:situations in your life that you've made
Speaker:other people feel jealous. And now
Speaker:you're, you know, getting a little piece
Speaker:of that. Or maybe you're feeling
Speaker:insecure. Umm, the same thing,
Speaker:just kind of look, look outside of you
Speaker:and then look it back like a mirror. It's
Speaker:like, what is this about, you know,
Speaker:saying about me that I need to heal and
Speaker:that what's that projection, right. So I
Speaker:think, yeah, like that self reflection
Speaker:and then that accountability, not taking
Speaker:it personally.
Speaker:And then just finding
Speaker:somebody who's maybe experienced it or
Speaker:went through it or. Maybe has
Speaker:felt that same emotion and asked them how
Speaker:they have done it as well. Like, don't be
Speaker:afraid to ask for help and ask for
Speaker:support because I did that for many
Speaker:years. I just thought I should lone wolf
Speaker:it and figure it out on my own.
Speaker:But ultimately, we're pretty good at
Speaker:putting, you know, a performance on and
Speaker:putting our mask on and our smile on.
Speaker:And a good friend is going to see the
Speaker:tears behind that smile or behind the
Speaker:funny guy or the jokester. Like we're
Speaker:going to see your pain. So surround
Speaker:yourself with people who see you even
Speaker:behind, you know, that big smile or big
Speaker:facade, you know. And then
Speaker:last I would say have like self love and
Speaker:self compassion because ultimately we can
Speaker:have a lot of self care. But if you don't
Speaker:have any self love, then, you know,
Speaker:you're missing a big part of, you know,
Speaker:the the puzzle. I would say. Yeah,
Speaker:well said. When you were talking there
Speaker:about getting someone to help, I was
Speaker:drawn to what you described before saying
Speaker:that. Your role models were your coaches
Speaker:and and I think back to my childhood, how?
Speaker:For the longest time, I didn't fully
Speaker:appreciate just how impactful and
Speaker:positive some of the coaches I had
Speaker:growing up really were on my life.
Speaker:So could you share a story maybe about
Speaker:one of those coaches that actually
Speaker:touched you in a very positive way and
Speaker:and perhaps kept you going? Like you
Speaker:said, sports saved your life. That
Speaker:actually was so impactful that they
Speaker:helped you to get through those times.
Speaker:Yeah, Actually the coach I had in
Speaker:Grade 7 when I was living at my best
Speaker:friend's house, she didn't know this at
Speaker:the time, but she does know now. And
Speaker:during that time, she was my basketball
Speaker:coach and she just believed in me. And
Speaker:she always, she kind of knew a little
Speaker:bit. Going on at home, but not a lot. And
Speaker:she was just encouraged me to work hard
Speaker:and play hard and be fair and be
Speaker:respectful and be kind. And she really
Speaker:expected a lot of me. But I really
Speaker:thrived in that environment and structure
Speaker:and discipline. And she knew how to
Speaker:encourage me to be better and not shut
Speaker:down. So I would say just
Speaker:having, you know, a coach believe in you
Speaker:and encourage you to be better and also,
Speaker:you know, be hard on you when you needed
Speaker:to be and. She ended up being my coach in
Speaker:high school, so. She
Speaker:was the coach. When I broke my back, she
Speaker:was there. I broke my back playing
Speaker:basketball, so she was there. One of my
Speaker:mom passed away in grade 11. She was
Speaker:there. She gave gave me
Speaker:opportunities and got me in front of
Speaker:coaches and ID camps and
Speaker:scouts. She would drive me to these
Speaker:places to get me there or fly me, you
Speaker:know?Use
Speaker:like fundraise money or personal
Speaker:money and she would just make sure I had
Speaker:enough, you know, money for food when I
Speaker:got there or a good pair of shoes. So she
Speaker:really just. Put me in the right places
Speaker:with the right people to expose me to the
Speaker:right environments. Umm, and she
Speaker:went above and beyond for me. I will say
Speaker:like she didn't do that for everybody.
Speaker:Umm, in grade 11, I got to go to Hawaii
Speaker:with her. So I think we just had like a,
Speaker:a relationship that was built over, you
Speaker:know, over a decade. And she
Speaker:supported me through the worst times of
Speaker:my life and the best times of my life.
Speaker:And she never judged me for, you know,
Speaker:maybe the wrong decisions I made in my
Speaker:life and, and the better decisions. And
Speaker:she's, uh, one of my most valued,
Speaker:treasured, you know, umm, mentors in my
Speaker:life and still is. And I'm
Speaker:forever grateful for her. Yeah.
Speaker:Umm, she sounds like the mum that you
Speaker:never had. Yeah. She was just a badass,
Speaker:like strong and athletic and
Speaker:caring and just a powerhouse. Yeah.
Speaker:I love that even through our difficult
Speaker:times, we have these.
Speaker:Guides that come into our life at
Speaker:different times and.
Speaker:Provide us what we needed that we weren't
Speaker:getting elsewhere and and just how
Speaker:impactful that is in our life.
Speaker:And I don't understand the
Speaker:how all that works from a spiritual
Speaker:perspective, but I just know that that
Speaker:there's always guides there for us and
Speaker:they've been there our whole life and we
Speaker:recognise. And for me it was realising
Speaker:just how impactful my older brother had
Speaker:been. And, and what you described there,
Speaker:he was the same. He believed in me when
Speaker:I needed someone to believe in
Speaker:me. Not that other people weren't
Speaker:necessarily believing in me, but he knew
Speaker:how to deliver it in a way that I
Speaker:understood and I think.
Speaker:That's been a key part for me going
Speaker:forward of like.
Speaker:He gave me that belief and the
Speaker:steps that he took and the things that he
Speaker:said. I've naturally, I didn't realise
Speaker:this until recently, how I'd carry that
Speaker:forth and how I helped people Now is,
Speaker:is that, and I say that to them, I, I'll
Speaker:believe in you until you do. Is that what
Speaker:you found as well? Like being wanting to
Speaker:pay that forward, whether whether
Speaker:consciously or having just done that
Speaker:naturally over the course of your life
Speaker:since you met her. Yeah, I would say,
Speaker:umm, I really took a lot of the traits
Speaker:and qualities that I admired about her.
Speaker:And I try to also, you
Speaker:know, umm, learn them and then integrate
Speaker:them into my life and embody it
Speaker:ultimately. And I would say
Speaker:umm, I definitely got the best parts of
Speaker:her and as well as the
Speaker:learning to stick out for myself,
Speaker:learning to be a leader, learning to
Speaker:take, you know, the road less travelled.
Speaker:And she always encouraged me, you know,
Speaker:if the crowd's going that way, it's OK to
Speaker:go the other way or, you know, to take a
Speaker:pause and, you know, look back and check
Speaker:out. Surroundings like just make sure you
Speaker:know you're following your true north and
Speaker:not just going with the crowd so she
Speaker:really taught me how to
Speaker:follow my you know, North Star and
Speaker:my moral compass and, and
Speaker:really follow my heart before I even knew
Speaker:what that was yeah well, awesome.
Speaker:Love it you mentioned before you got to
Speaker:the end of that college journey and then.
Speaker:So I imagine that's where the like there
Speaker:was no, uh.
Speaker:Rode then for you after that.
Speaker:Yeah. So if you've not got
Speaker:that next step of of beyond
Speaker:that, like there's no going pro or
Speaker:anything like that, and then you end up
Speaker:getting to that place of, well, who am I
Speaker:without my sport?
Speaker:What did you learn there 'cause I see
Speaker:that all the time. Definitely with elite
Speaker:athletes, they talk about it.
Speaker:Consistently about well, I didn't really
Speaker:know what I was doing then and I'd been
Speaker:you described it, the bubble, right?
Speaker:Always got a schedule. I've got to be a
Speaker:certain way, got to act a certain way and
Speaker:now all that structure's taken away.
Speaker:So what did you learn from that and what
Speaker:did you?Have you been able to
Speaker:apply in the rest of your life?
Speaker:Yeah, so, umm, just that, you know,
Speaker:losing my identity within that being a
Speaker:student athlete, I had to hit
Speaker:hit that deep dark depression first
Speaker:before I could really build myself back
Speaker:up. And then I went on A2 year travel
Speaker:journey. So I went out, you know,
Speaker:to try to find what that was and what I
Speaker:wanted, what Kelly wanted and and I
Speaker:created my own timeline. I stayed in
Speaker:places if I wanted to and, you know, flew
Speaker:to other places if I wanted to. So over A
Speaker:2 year period I went to
Speaker:Thailand, Indonesia, Philippines,
Speaker:Malaysia, Nepal, India and
Speaker:Australia. So I wanted an
Speaker:amazing, amazing adventure, met, you
Speaker:know, some extraordinary people, got to
Speaker:see different parts of the world. And
Speaker:what I recognised is like in
Speaker:Canada, I was like on welfare and
Speaker:Canadian poverty and you know, just kind
Speaker:of like the. You know, like the
Speaker:ghetto of Canada at that time for me,
Speaker:like that just felt like the lowest of
Speaker:the low. But when I went to, you know,
Speaker:these developing countries, these
Speaker:kids don't know anything outside their
Speaker:community or their little lean to, you
Speaker:know, as a home and they're sleeping on
Speaker:the on the ground and, you know.
Speaker:Yeah, So the kids are staying at home,
Speaker:taking care of each other, the siblings
Speaker:and, you know, the cousins and the
Speaker:parents and the grandparents are out
Speaker:working to try to bring enough money
Speaker:home, you know, for food for the day or
Speaker:some more shelter and clothing. So I
Speaker:had really seen a lot of
Speaker:pain and suffering and, and I looked at
Speaker:my life like I had an education. I had
Speaker:people who believed in me. I knew
Speaker:different than, you know, just outside my
Speaker:little region. So I really
Speaker:started realising. My problems
Speaker:were, you know, terrible, but still
Speaker:very first world problems. So at least I
Speaker:knew the difference. I chose differently.
Speaker:These kids don't have another option.
Speaker:That's all they know. And at least I
Speaker:had a choice to heal my generational
Speaker:trauma. And, you know, when I was born
Speaker:into right. Because these children, I, I
Speaker:really think that it's just unfortunate
Speaker:and a lack of knowing. And it's not a
Speaker:lack of wanting to know or wanting to
Speaker:discover. It's everything around them.
Speaker:They're not, they don't have access to
Speaker:computers or magazines or, you know, they
Speaker:just think that's a fantasy, right? Yeah,
Speaker:yeah, yeah. It's a world they can't even
Speaker:imagine. And and like you said, they're
Speaker:happier than we are with all these so
Speaker:called luxuries. It's fascinating.
Speaker:I'm. I'm curious, Kelly, you grew up in a
Speaker:House of addiction. Did
Speaker:you, or maybe you
Speaker:haven't even been conscious of this? Do
Speaker:you think there were times where you've
Speaker:taken on that sort of
Speaker:addictive way of living in, in
Speaker:other areas of your life, whether it be
Speaker:your sport or, or otherwise? Yeah. I
Speaker:was, uh, overachiever and a workaholic
Speaker:and a people pleaser and a peacekeeper.
Speaker:Umm, I, yeah, I, that was my form
Speaker:of avoidance. You know, I could mentor my
Speaker:way through it, physical my way through.
Speaker:Work, work through anything I had,
Speaker:I achieved every goal, every big dream of
Speaker:mine that I ever wanted to do, that I
Speaker:could imagine. I've done all of that
Speaker:and I realised nothing
Speaker:outside of me was going to make me feel
Speaker:whole. And once I realised, like coming
Speaker:back into our heart and realising we have
Speaker:been whole all along, but just that
Speaker:remembrance of who we were before we were
Speaker:traumatised or before we took on
Speaker:conditioning of the environment we grew
Speaker:up. Environment we maybe through
Speaker:religion or culture or, you know, just
Speaker:different dynamics people, people
Speaker:surround themselves with and they say
Speaker:we're a reflection of the top five people
Speaker:you hang out with. And you know, they say
Speaker:that they can tell who you are by who you
Speaker:surround yourself with. So I would say
Speaker:just yeah, like just realising you're
Speaker:thecommon denominator in
Speaker:it all. So figuring out. Umm,
Speaker:yeah, just try to get quieter.
Speaker:Seller umm,
Speaker:just go internal. Everything's the
Speaker:answers are inside of you, the
Speaker:powers inside of you and you know you
Speaker:can't go wrong when you when you go from
Speaker:your heart centred. Yeah,
Speaker:and and bringing that back to a a
Speaker:sport connection,
Speaker:it's that power of visualisation that if
Speaker:anyone's done the sport, they talk about
Speaker:it in in all different areas is the
Speaker:importance of visualising on Jack
Speaker:Nicholas talked about I don't
Speaker:every single shot I played, I played in
Speaker:my head first. It it was something I
Speaker:learned in I wish I'd learned much
Speaker:earlier, but I love being able to teach
Speaker:the young athletes that I coach about
Speaker:visualisation, but it's. The same place,
Speaker:right, It's stillness. It's it's giving
Speaker:your mind a rest to be able to and then
Speaker:feed it with some positive information.
Speaker:So could you talk to us a bit
Speaker:about how
Speaker:you marry up what you do
Speaker:helping people as their mentor and
Speaker:also also from that sport perspective
Speaker:where where you inevitably have to use
Speaker:different language, how you help people
Speaker:to, to find that that visual process,
Speaker:that mindfulness to be able to take them
Speaker:to. A better level of self
Speaker:belief and performance.
Speaker:Yeah, I, I approach every person
Speaker:uniquely because each person, you know,
Speaker:has the strengths and weaknesses, but we
Speaker:kind of break it down on a holistic
Speaker:level. So as a whole body. So your
Speaker:emotional body, your mental body,
Speaker:physical body, spiritual and soul.
Speaker:And a lot of the times we'll start with
Speaker:that inner child, you know, the people
Speaker:who are ready to do the work. So this is
Speaker:even for young athletes that you're
Speaker:coaching, you go straight there. Yeah,
Speaker:well, like I, I in their language.
Speaker:Of course, you know, like when they like
Speaker:react a certain way or say a certain
Speaker:thing, I will ask a certain question and
Speaker:ask them to reflect on that. And I I
Speaker:challenge them to see if that's their
Speaker:belief or maybe what they heard. So just.
Speaker:Teaching them awareness I think is the
Speaker:biggest thing and umm, the power of the
Speaker:spoken word or even if it's just
Speaker:internal, umm, negative talk.
Speaker:And also learning how to process that.
Speaker:Asking them like showing them, you know,
Speaker:the wheel of emotions. Out of these 60
Speaker:emotions, what's coming up? So yes, it
Speaker:might be anger, but is it sadness under
Speaker:that? Like what is it that makes you feel
Speaker:sad?Umm and then how can I
Speaker:support you? So just asking them.
Speaker:To the questions that they need to be
Speaker:asking themselves, but not telling them
Speaker:the way they should be thinking, not
Speaker:telling them the way they should be
Speaker:acting and just treating that safe space
Speaker:for them to be vulnerable and open up.
Speaker:And then we can kind of reprogram,
Speaker:reprogram that conditioning and
Speaker:that that inner confidence and that
Speaker:belief and that self worth. And I think
Speaker:just building it up from, you know,
Speaker:emotional connection as well as like
Speaker:through the physical kind of somatic part
Speaker:of it as well. Hmm.
Speaker:It, it sounds like that they would have
Speaker:been all the things you had to learn
Speaker:going through your journey of, of all of
Speaker:that trauma to be able to
Speaker:break free from all of those things that
Speaker:you got told and that you experienced and
Speaker:you heard like.
Speaker:I'm actually curious. Like
Speaker:you said, that happened
Speaker:for a year and a half. How did you
Speaker:remove yourself from that situation? Did
Speaker:you had, did you have to move out? Did
Speaker:something happen that allowed that to to
Speaker:unfold for you? Yeah. So I ended up
Speaker:moving to my grandma's. My two sisters
Speaker:initially went to my grandma's and then
Speaker:my brother was sent up to my dad's. And
Speaker:then I moved in with my best friend at
Speaker:the time. And then when
Speaker:my oldest sister graduated and my other
Speaker:sister moved out, there was enough room
Speaker:at my grandma, so I went there. So pretty
Speaker:much my choice was live on the streets,
Speaker:go to foster care or go to my
Speaker:grandmas. And my uncle had
Speaker:sexually molested me as a young, young
Speaker:child. So I, I didn't want to go there
Speaker:when he was there. So at that point he
Speaker:also was graduated and out of the home.
Speaker:But again, nobody knew about that. I
Speaker:just. Again, didn't tell
Speaker:anyone because I didn't want people to
Speaker:hurt him, harm him, shun
Speaker:him. So I just thought this was again
Speaker:mine to hold and. And
Speaker:it was never mine. These men
Speaker:were not kind humans and I shouldn't have
Speaker:worried about them, right?
Speaker:Yeah, and and actually that really struck
Speaker:me when you talked about that plug in my
Speaker:computer. I thought it was plugged in one
Speaker:SEC. Yeah, I'll keep talking while you do
Speaker:that. That's one of my favourite tricks
Speaker:isforgetting to have it plugged in.
Speaker:Yeah, I'm sorry.
Speaker:Yeah, you talked about that earlier about
Speaker:some. Not wanting to
Speaker:speak up because you didn't want it to
Speaker:impact others and and being a recover or
Speaker:I was gonna say recovered, but it's
Speaker:recovery because it's an ongoing journey.
Speaker:People pleaser is that we make these
Speaker:decisions because we worry about the
Speaker:impact for us and we put everyone else
Speaker:1st. And I, I
Speaker:imagine for that thing you're thinking
Speaker:about your best friend, you're thinking
Speaker:about like lots of different areas.
Speaker:You're thinking about your the greater
Speaker:family, all these different things. And
Speaker:while that logically might make
Speaker:sense.
Speaker:It's the opposite that's true, is the
Speaker:moment that you actually stand up for
Speaker:what's right, then it actually frees up
Speaker:everyone in that situation. So how did
Speaker:you find the courage to do that? I know
Speaker:you said that came later, but I imagine.
Speaker:Being able to start taking that journey
Speaker:of standing up for yourself and pushing
Speaker:back and creating boundaries would have
Speaker:come earlier than than what you described
Speaker:16 years ago. Well, I think my
Speaker:biggest thing personally was I was afraid
Speaker:of what my parents would do because they
Speaker:were selling drugs for like the Hells
Speaker:Angels, which is like gangs. And they
Speaker:could have had anybody literally got rid
Speaker:of, you know, these people, including,
Speaker:you know, my family member. So for me, I
Speaker:think I was more afraid of what my
Speaker:parents would do and who they would get
Speaker:to take care of. People, because I
Speaker:know my parents felt guilty enough for
Speaker:the choices they were making, but knowing
Speaker:that they put me in these environments
Speaker:and because of their actions, I know
Speaker:from knowing my parents, they would have
Speaker:they would have done something, you know,
Speaker:that they would have never been on tape
Speaker:back again. So I think it's kind of that
Speaker:eye for an eye like I was afraid of what
Speaker:my parents would do. So it wasn't so much
Speaker:even how other people would react or
Speaker:respond when I come forward, but how
Speaker:would my parents not be able to?
Speaker:You know, react in that situation. So
Speaker:I waited till both my parents passed away
Speaker:so I didn't have to worry about what they
Speaker:could potentially do. So I
Speaker:think I was more afraid of kind of the
Speaker:consequence of other people's accidents.
Speaker:So that would be
Speaker:#1 #2 knowing I was
Speaker:hurting so much and, and how that would
Speaker:hurt my best friend and her mom, even
Speaker:though like, her mom and her daughter not
Speaker:together for many, many years, he was not
Speaker:a good person to anybody. And umm, but
Speaker:still, nobody wants to know that their dad
Speaker:'s a rapist and a serial rapist. And
Speaker:like, he stole my virginity, he took my
Speaker:innocence and he
Speaker:just got away with it for 20 years. I'm
Speaker:sure he's done this to multiple other
Speaker:victims and. I
Speaker:hope one day you know people can listen
Speaker:to my story and find the courage to say
Speaker:something sooner, regardless of the
Speaker:actions of others, regardless of how
Speaker:people may react and respond. And I
Speaker:will say it was my worst nightmare. How
Speaker:these people reacted was they only
Speaker:thought about themselves. And I was
Speaker:pretty much made to believe that. Why
Speaker:didn't I go to the cops if this didn't
Speaker:happen? And if this really
Speaker:happened, why'd you wait so long?
Speaker:What about my family and what this gonna
Speaker:do with my family? So when I
Speaker:came forward to my best friend and her
Speaker:mom who I loved dearly and I still do
Speaker:and I understand we all have our journey,
Speaker:they just totally rejected me and
Speaker:abandoned me and neglected. And those
Speaker:are, you know, my three biggest wounds of
Speaker:my lifetime is neglect and abandonment,
Speaker:especially when I'm telling the truth.
Speaker:And it took me that long to come forward.
Speaker:And then it was just pretty much, you
Speaker:know, excused and just never talked about
Speaker:again. And yeah, it's been three
Speaker:years and, and I haven't had a
Speaker:conversation. You know,
Speaker:when I went to the police, I told him I
Speaker:was going to the police. And they just
Speaker:didn't want to hear it. And they haven't
Speaker:reached out once, they haven't apologised
Speaker:and. I I don't owe
Speaker:them anything, I love them and I send
Speaker:them love. But when I needed them the
Speaker:most they walked out on me. So
Speaker:when I was at my lowest and darkest I
Speaker:realised who my people were and the
Speaker:people who were with me. When my nervous
Speaker:system was rocked. When I was going back
Speaker:to that 12 year old self that couldn't
Speaker:fight for herself or didn't have a voice.
Speaker:So my body went back to
Speaker:that trauma because they say your trauma
Speaker:is literally like an iceberg. You're
Speaker:frozen in time. So when I had to go to
Speaker:the cops and. You know, repeat this story
Speaker:multiple times. Umm
Speaker:and then I was being like abused by
Speaker:like re traumatised by oursystems. Like
Speaker:I went to the like a non
Speaker:profit rape like sexual trauma
Speaker:and abuse place. And the lady who was
Speaker:taking my intake form, I'm literally
Speaker:sharing the hardest things of my life.
Speaker:And as she's filling it out, she's like
Speaker:cool cool. And then writing some more.
Speaker:And then I would tell her some more and
Speaker:she's like cool cool. And I'm like. I
Speaker:just wanted and I was just like, what do
Speaker:you mean? Like, I think she was nervous
Speaker:or uncomfortable and I don't know, like
Speaker:she didn't even realise what shewas
Speaker:saying. But she was like, I was like
Speaker:blacking out and seeing red as she's
Speaker:saying, cool, cool. So I left there and I
Speaker:never went back. And then I went to the
Speaker:cops the first time and I live in a
Speaker:different province than where it
Speaker:happened. And I asked the initial
Speaker:cop who was going to take my statement,
Speaker:like, do I need to just go to this like
Speaker:British Columbia, where the province is
Speaker:where this happened? Because I don't want
Speaker:to have to tell you. And then go there
Speaker:and do the same thing. Like I may as well
Speaker:just drive the two hours and go there.
Speaker:They're like, no, no, like you can do it
Speaker:and we'll get it transferred over. No big
Speaker:deal. Well, I did it and then they called
Speaker:me back a week later. They're like, no,
Speaker:sorry, you're gonna have to go in. So I
Speaker:had to go in and and they asked you
Speaker:really, really brutal, detailed
Speaker:questions as that's our job.
Speaker:But re traumatising me
Speaker:after it took me that long and then to
Speaker:reopening up and then just send you on
Speaker:your on your way and it's like, oh, are
Speaker:you suicidal?Like, are you OK? Like, you
Speaker:know, here's your emergency plan. Like,
Speaker:if this guy comes after you, you need to
Speaker:have an exit, an exit strategy. And
Speaker:then I tried to get like, a
Speaker:restraining order. And like, where
Speaker:he, like, if he wanted to come after me,
Speaker:once he found out that, you know, I went
Speaker:to the police, they were like, oh, sorry.
Speaker:Because it's such a historic event. We
Speaker:have no proof that he would physically
Speaker:harm you. And I'm like, OK, so raping
Speaker:someone for a year and a half is not
Speaker:enough fucking evidence. Like it is
Speaker:disgusting our system. And
Speaker:there's zero legal system in our justice
Speaker:system and in the criminal system in
Speaker:Canada specifically for charges to
Speaker:be approved, they have to be 85
Speaker:to 100% surehe's going to be convicted
Speaker:in the end of it. So a historic case like
Speaker:mine, 20 plus years ago,
Speaker:of course I didn't have any evidence. I
Speaker:didn't go to the, you know, the cops or
Speaker:tell anyone or take pictures or, you
Speaker:know, go get a rape kit done. But
Speaker:like, that was the time when we
Speaker:had phones that were plugged into the
Speaker:wall. Like what was I supposed to make
Speaker:a 911 ph onecall when they were right
Speaker:there?You know, at home, like, OK, take
Speaker:me to the hospital. Like who at that age
Speaker:would be like, yeah, I need to go report
Speaker:this. Like, I was afraid for my life.
Speaker:Wow. And
Speaker:I don't know what the answer is, but I
Speaker:have had these conversations with
Speaker:women, like whether it's domestic
Speaker:violence or or what you've experienced
Speaker:sexual assault, and the
Speaker:system doesn't make it easy.
Speaker:And I mean, I guess
Speaker:there's. Has to be things in
Speaker:place to to cover off
Speaker:everything. But surely after
Speaker:you open up and tell this story that
Speaker:you'd be provided with at least a free
Speaker:counsellor or something to
Speaker:be able to then help you through that
Speaker:Because that's.
Speaker:Unfortunately, you see it in lots of
Speaker:different areas, like in, in
Speaker:lots of service industries where that's
Speaker:just not, it should be just a given, but
Speaker:it's just not. Yeah, well, and like I
Speaker:said, I I did have that provided to me
Speaker:the, the nonprofit, umm,
Speaker:but they were again, cool. Cool. Wasn't
Speaker:gonna make me feel safe and dearmor
Speaker:myself when I had been armoured up for
Speaker:many, many years, right?Yeah, yeah.
Speaker:I began to appreciate you sharing so
Speaker:openly, Kelly. It's, it's.
Speaker:Well, I know it's going to be helpful to
Speaker:you to be able to tell your story because
Speaker:it always is. But I'm sure there's other
Speaker:people that are listening that they're
Speaker:going to be taking so much out of this.
Speaker:I'm, I'm curious for you around the
Speaker:people pleasing side, how
Speaker:that transferred into sport. And I, I
Speaker:think of it like this. I remember in
Speaker:seniors when a coach called us in, we're
Speaker:going through a bit of a hole and, and
Speaker:just asked us what motivated us.
Speaker:And I remember, you know, a lot of people
Speaker:talking about, oh, you know, I want to
Speaker:win and all these different things. And
Speaker:for me, it was like. I just don't want to
Speaker:let anyone down. Like my people pleasing
Speaker:was still playing out in sport like
Speaker:and in other areas of life. Don't want
Speaker:to let anyone down. It was all about
Speaker:worrying about what everyone else is
Speaker:experiencing. Is that something that
Speaker:you've found as well, that it that it
Speaker:showed up in sport and showed up in
Speaker:repeated areas? Yeah, I think
Speaker:for me, the people pleasing it was, yeah,
Speaker:wanting to be accepted for me. I wanted
Speaker:to be part of that community, a part of
Speaker:that tribe. Part of that team. So mine
Speaker:was more umm, connection and, and kind of
Speaker:that soul family. So for me,
Speaker:community and connection. That's why I
Speaker:was the peacekeeper and the people
Speaker:pleaser. Umm, I mean, I still
Speaker:just still was strong in some of my
Speaker:beliefs, but umm, in a lot of ways
Speaker:I moulded myself
Speaker:or umm dimmed my
Speaker:light or. You know, withheld
Speaker:certain parts of myself because I was
Speaker:afraid to be. You know, shunned or shamed
Speaker:or, you know, kicked out of that that
Speaker:community, right, Not accepted. So I
Speaker:think yeah, that that acceptance and the
Speaker:big part of that team aspect, that's what
Speaker:I I loved and, and, you know, craved, I
Speaker:guess. I don't know about you, but
Speaker:I still love that now, like 'cause that
Speaker:was my experience, too. It's a place that
Speaker:you feel like you belong when the rest of
Speaker:your world perhaps don't. And finding
Speaker:places that have that similar vibe of a
Speaker:sporting team where we're lifting each
Speaker:other up and sure, we're holding each
Speaker:other to account when when difficult
Speaker:conversations need to be had, but it's
Speaker:very much for a positive lens and working
Speaker:towards a common goal. So powerful,
Speaker:right? Mm-hmm.
Speaker:You mentioned finding your voice.
Speaker:That was one of the biggest lessons.
Speaker:Looking back over my sporting sporting
Speaker:journey is like, that's the one place
Speaker:that I actually found my voice. I had a,
Speaker:an international football, former
Speaker:international football player as a coach
Speaker:when I was 13 and 14. And he said
Speaker:in soccer,
Speaker:football, you have to be
Speaker:talking. You should come off with a sore
Speaker:throat from talking the whole time and it
Speaker:would make me talk. And I was
Speaker:like, I was a, uh, I played as a
Speaker:forward, so I spent a lot of time. The
Speaker:place elsewhere and I'm standing and he
Speaker:would just be like, I can't hear you like
Speaker:and oh man, for a shy kid that was so
Speaker:hard. But I just realised how
Speaker:hugely beneficial that was for me to be
Speaker:able to do that yelling out in front of
Speaker:all these people that I wouldn't have
Speaker:done it any other way. Did you
Speaker:have an experience for that finding your
Speaker:voice through sport, being the the
Speaker:encourager and and, and how's
Speaker:that positively impacted you as well?
Speaker:Yeah, I think initially, you know, I was
Speaker:always the captain or Co captain and
Speaker:I was point guard. So a lot of times
Speaker:leading my team and leading the plays. So
Speaker:I had to naturally, you know, be
Speaker:vocal, but. I was
Speaker:also very shy. Like naturally I was very
Speaker:shy. So it was a challenge for me as
Speaker:well, but I think it's like a muscle, you
Speaker:know, you want to get a stronger bicep,
Speaker:you use it. And you know,
Speaker:I've been working really hard on sharing
Speaker:my own personal story because it's one
Speaker:thing to public speak, but to be
Speaker:vulnerable and Share your story and your
Speaker:whole truth and nothing but your truth
Speaker:and not edit and censor yourself.
Speaker:That's a whole different task and I would
Speaker:say through practise in
Speaker:safe
Speaker:places and safe communities is important
Speaker:and also. Healing
Speaker:your stuff so you're not, you're not
Speaker:oozing and wounding onto other people.
Speaker:Just, you know, it's because a lot of
Speaker:times we're, we're shitty listeners and
Speaker:we're not really hearing what people are
Speaker:saying and we're just so quick to, to
Speaker:respond or react or have an answer. And,
Speaker:and sometimes I think it's funny, you
Speaker:know, like it's the opposite of the
Speaker:spectrum. Knowing when to use your voice
Speaker:or maybe in this point of your life,
Speaker:maybe it's through action because then
Speaker:that's a powerful way to lead or
Speaker:maybe. Creating that safe space. So I
Speaker:think for me, I had the best of all
Speaker:worlds growing up. I had that
Speaker:leadership, that vocal, but also the
Speaker:quiet and like really hard worker. So
Speaker:people seen through my actions that I
Speaker:meant what I, you know, what I said when
Speaker:I did say it. And then
Speaker:later on in life, 'cause I didn't share
Speaker:any of my personal stories and tell
Speaker:about, you know, maybe four or five years
Speaker:ago, just little tidbits. And then the
Speaker:last three years just being fully.
Speaker:Transparent and you know my fullest
Speaker:expression of myself and and my truth
Speaker:again, right?Yeah,
Speaker:absolutely.
Speaker:Is there a?Particular
Speaker:transferable skill that you learnt
Speaker:through sport that. You know, still
Speaker:serve you. Today.
Speaker:I think the.
Speaker:Maybe the most important one
Speaker:is, uh, self care.
Speaker:And I have had seasons
Speaker:of, you know, really good self care and
Speaker:seasons of really good self love. And now
Speaker:integrating the both of them is very
Speaker:important because I used to bypass
Speaker:everything through self care, right? And
Speaker:I had no self love. So then I really had
Speaker:to like put the self care on the back
Speaker:burner and like really learn what self
Speaker:love was so I wasn't bypassing through
Speaker:physical and kind of mental. Workaholic,
Speaker:those kind of things, because I was
Speaker:really good at that. So
Speaker:integrating that self love and
Speaker:self care and knowing that you're
Speaker:going to have seasons like we talked
Speaker:about and and but just staying
Speaker:true to those daily rituals and those
Speaker:practises that, you know, continue to
Speaker:fill your cup up and build your frequency
Speaker:up and and you know, make that aura a lot
Speaker:stronger, right, because then you're
Speaker:going to naturally attract, you know, the
Speaker:like minded friends or. Family,
Speaker:yeah, and that's such a, that's such a
Speaker:powerful point is to be able
Speaker:to.
Speaker:Yeah, that distinction between self care
Speaker:and self love, because I see that so
Speaker:often with people when
Speaker:they're not going well, the solution they
Speaker:they default solution is physical and and
Speaker:that the physical is important. But I
Speaker:love how you've drawn that distinction
Speaker:because it's only a small part of it. And
Speaker:we need to make sure we're looking after
Speaker:ourselves mentally and we're looking
Speaker:after ourselves emotionally and we're
Speaker:looking after ourselves. And
Speaker:whatever that means to you, whether it's
Speaker:just in terms of your people
Speaker:connections and your community
Speaker:connections, rather than being anything
Speaker:deeper than that, it's really important
Speaker:that we're we're managing that. So yeah,
Speaker:I love how you've drawn that distinction.
Speaker:I've been guilty of going too far the
Speaker:other way of getting too lost in that
Speaker:self love part and then neglecting the
Speaker:physical, which I think you're referring
Speaker:to then. Then so the last
Speaker:couple of years has been really back on
Speaker:that physical journey and, and it's
Speaker:amazing the strength when you marry all
Speaker:of it together, isn't it?Absolutely.
Speaker:And just knowing there's a difference
Speaker:because I was like self love. What the
Speaker:fuck's that? Like? Like what? You
Speaker:have time for that?Yeah
Speaker:, 100%. I One of the things that I
Speaker:love about sport is how it takes us
Speaker:to this place of being in the zone of
Speaker:being in flow. And I can remember the
Speaker:handful of times that it's happened in
Speaker:sport. Thankfully I've been able to
Speaker:find a way to make it part of my life
Speaker:away from sport.
Speaker:But did you have an experience when you
Speaker:were in the zone where a
Speaker:particular sporting memory where
Speaker:everything just unfolded and, and yeah,
Speaker:can you tell us a bit about that and what
Speaker:what you got out of that experience?
Speaker:Well, the day my mom passed away, we
Speaker:had a championship game that
Speaker:day and it was like a local championship
Speaker:game. And of course my coaches didn't
Speaker:expect me to show up and I showed up
Speaker:halfway, halfway through the game, we
Speaker:were down 9 points. I didn't realise the
Speaker:gamewas at the time it was, I thought it
Speaker:was a bit later. And so I went on the
Speaker:court and they just said like, you know,
Speaker:if you want to come off, let us know. If
Speaker:you want to play the whole game, let us
Speaker:know. So I went on the court and, you
Speaker:know, and. Of his basketball and you know
Speaker:every shot I took went in every pass I
Speaker:made was like perfect pass
Speaker:and you know nobody could stop me. I
Speaker:think I had like a 30 plus point game
Speaker:which is. And on
Speaker:average, you know, I, I typically got
Speaker:anywhere from 20 to 28 points a game,
Speaker:which is amazing. And I had just as many
Speaker:assists, if not more. So as a point
Speaker:guard, that's pretty, pretty great. And
Speaker:so I would say that was probably my
Speaker:biggest highlight. And then in
Speaker:university, you know, we were talking
Speaker:about visualisation. I visualised before
Speaker:everygame I'd listen to my music
Speaker:and I would shut my eyes and just lay on
Speaker:the floor and visualise the gamelike
Speaker:ahead of me. And I
Speaker:would visualise certain playsin my head
Speaker:and there was a specific one play
Speaker:that. So at this time I was playing
Speaker:volleyball, so it was for volleyball and
Speaker:I visualised this.
Speaker:We got blocked like we had a, you know,
Speaker:our right side or an outside hitter's
Speaker:hitting outside. I'm blocked. I'm
Speaker:covering the block. And it went off the
Speaker:blockers hands and I in
Speaker:the visualisation, it wentbehind my
Speaker:head. So I had to like turn around and
Speaker:then dig the ball. And it was like a
Speaker:super hard dig like and it's really fast
Speaker:because it's very fast paced. So, but I
Speaker:pictured this play like, you know, step
Speaker:by step by step, exactly how I needed to
Speaker:move, respond where I needed to
Speaker:be. And like that I
Speaker:realised the power of visualisation and
Speaker:how we could manifest things into our
Speaker:life, whether it's. Activities or sports
Speaker:or relationships or, you know, certain
Speaker:people in different environments. So I
Speaker:realised the power of visualisation and
Speaker:you know also how to.
Speaker:Not like control it, but also surrender
Speaker:to the parts of the game
Speaker:or parts of the visualisation that you
Speaker:you'll never know. You just have to be
Speaker:present in that moment. So just not
Speaker:getting too stuck on like trying to
Speaker:control the outcome of everything and
Speaker:then just truly like, you know.
Speaker:Tapping into that, like, inner knowing at
Speaker:that point. Yeah. And I love that you
Speaker:included that because when you were
Speaker:telling your story, it reminded me one of
Speaker:my stories of the times I was in the
Speaker:zone. And it was in cricket.
Speaker:We have, you know, it's not like the
Speaker:professional level. They play consecutive
Speaker:days. It's like you play consecutive
Speaker:Saturdays. So I I was batting at the
Speaker:end of the day and I was sick at the
Speaker:back end of the week. And if it wasn't
Speaker:for the fact that I was in the middle of
Speaker:an innings, I wouldn't have gone. But I
Speaker:went. 0 expectations,
Speaker:just I'll go out there and scratched
Speaker:around for a while sort of hitting a few
Speaker:and then at some point everything just
Speaker:started to, it didn't matter where the
Speaker:ball was both to me, I was just hitting
Speaker:it clean flush. And
Speaker:I think what you described there is that
Speaker:your mum's just died. Like imagine
Speaker:you wouldn't have had a great deal of
Speaker:focus on outcome. You were just going out
Speaker:there completely detached and
Speaker:playing. And I wonder
Speaker:how often in life
Speaker:we all get caught in the
Speaker:outcome. And that's to the detriment of
Speaker:our performance. And the best
Speaker:performances, from my experience, are
Speaker:when you just do, which is why
Speaker:we're children. We get, we're so much
Speaker:better at it when we're adults. We get
Speaker:too much in our head. When we just do,
Speaker:when we go out there and the outcome will
Speaker:take care of itself, we get so much
Speaker:better results. Is that something that
Speaker:you've been able to apply to other areas
Speaker:as well? Yeah, I think, you know,
Speaker:now realisg that in inlife there's birth
Speaker:and there's death and that's part of
Speaker:life. And
Speaker:navigating grief, it's not
Speaker:linear. It's not. There's not one path,
Speaker:there's not a blueprint. So.
Speaker:I think again, staying present
Speaker:in your body and not
Speaker:getting too stuck in that trauma of like
Speaker:what happened in that story, just
Speaker:knowing and accepting that that was part
Speaker:of your journey. And I'm a firm believer
Speaker:that, you know, I picked my blueprint, I
Speaker:chose this path, I chose this karmic
Speaker:debt. I'm not saying I deserve it, but
Speaker:I'm here to heal it and and alchemize it
Speaker:so I can, you know, hopefully. You
Speaker:know, transmute myself to the next
Speaker:energetic or angelic level. I, I'm like,
Speaker:I'm not coming back to this 3D plane,
Speaker:That's for sure. It's, it's like duality
Speaker:and pain and suffering And you know, I
Speaker:learned a lot through Tibetan Buddhism is
Speaker:we create our own pain and suffering
Speaker:and. You know, fears and illusion times
Speaker:an illusion. And again, just like kind of
Speaker:that that wheel of life, like if we are
Speaker:causing harm to others in this lifetime,
Speaker:well, in the next lifetime, we're going
Speaker:to be the ones being punished. So just,
Speaker:you know, leaving this world a better
Speaker:place than what we found it being kind
Speaker:along the way and.
Speaker:Yeah, just again, the coming back to the
Speaker:don't take things personally and, umm,
Speaker:you know, figure out your bullshit and
Speaker:sit in it for a little while, but then
Speaker:move on because nobody wants to hear the
Speaker:story over and over again unless you're
Speaker:taking action. That's good.
Speaker:The the bit that really stood out there
Speaker:for me is something that I know the, the
Speaker:best teams talk about this in terms of
Speaker:leadership and culture is leaving. A
Speaker:better place than where you left it or
Speaker:the the All Blacks, which is, you know,
Speaker:world famous team where that's one of
Speaker:their big things is like you you you're a
Speaker:custodian of the journey jersey, but you
Speaker:you want to make sure you leave it in a
Speaker:better place to the point where they
Speaker:clean the change room and I know the
Speaker:Japanese football teams are the same
Speaker:like. Korean
Speaker:football teams is like a cultural thing.
Speaker:So I leave it, leave some leave
Speaker:everything a better place than what you
Speaker:found it. And I think if for me
Speaker:personally, that's the thing that I'll
Speaker:really take from from what you just said
Speaker:then is is regardless of what your
Speaker:spiritual beliefs and how you look at.
Speaker:What the journey is, if you live from
Speaker:that that perspective, then you can't go
Speaker:wrong. Exactly. Yeah,
Speaker:yeah. Whether you believe in God or the
Speaker:universe or reincarnation, it doesn't
Speaker:matter. Ultimately, our goal is I would
Speaker:hope, love, unconditional love and peace
Speaker:and happiness and joy, you know, leaving,
Speaker:like I said, ultimately leaving this
Speaker:place better than when we found it. Yeah,
Speaker:I love it. Now there's going to be sports
Speaker:fans, of course, listening to this
Speaker:podcast. What legacy do you
Speaker:see?Sport leaving.
Speaker:Whether that's something that you'll be
Speaker:included in or just in general for a
Speaker:more positive future for us.
Speaker:I think the legacy.
Speaker:Umm that I would like to see is.
Speaker:You know, much, much sooner being
Speaker:introduced into the mental health
Speaker:aspect of things and talking more about
Speaker:people's home life and how that can
Speaker:affect your your playing time in the
Speaker:court or in the classroom and knowing
Speaker:that it's not separate. You can't turn a
Speaker:party you off or deny a part of you. So I
Speaker:would say the legacy I would like to
Speaker:leave is.
Speaker:Empowering the younger generations coming
Speaker:up to to find their voice. You know,
Speaker:whether it's through writing or
Speaker:having somebody listening to you in a
Speaker:safe place or upon reflection.
Speaker:And then, you know, I invite the coaches
Speaker:and the leaders in these communities to
Speaker:also ask these kids how they're doing and
Speaker:have they ate 3 meals that day and did
Speaker:they sleep in their own bed and did
Speaker:anybody come into their room that night?
Speaker:And to realise when children
Speaker:and athletes are acting out, it's usually
Speaker:something's going on internally and
Speaker:they don't know how to express it or
Speaker:process it. So I challenge and
Speaker:invite every. Person who's in leadership
Speaker:of this next generation to come. The
Speaker:people, you know, I always say they're
Speaker:either going to be leaders of gangs or
Speaker:they're going to be the CEOs and the
Speaker:bosses and the coaches. So you, you
Speaker:choose and what you say and how
Speaker:you act towards these younger kids, it's
Speaker:going to leave a massive impact on them.
Speaker:So, you know, I want to
Speaker:again, leave the these athletes, you
Speaker:know, more aware
Speaker:and kind of tapping into all
Speaker:bodies and realising that
Speaker:there's not only, you know. Way to skin a
Speaker:cat, you know, they say. So there's lots
Speaker:of, lots of routes, but just finding,
Speaker:finding that really. I would
Speaker:say communication is very key within
Speaker:that communi community and welcome at
Speaker:all, you know, don't disregard anger or
Speaker:resentment or bitterness or challenge
Speaker:because I feel like that's a big part of
Speaker:it. Yeah. And if you don't know, you
Speaker:don't have the skills, then go find them.
Speaker:Because to me, what you describe there is
Speaker:like having the courage to address the
Speaker:issues that aren't sport related and not
Speaker:just the most powerful for the children,
Speaker:but in terms of what it's going to do for
Speaker:the impact that's going to have on the
Speaker:rest. Their lives because it's like we
Speaker:both described our journey it's a
Speaker:sanctuary it's a safe place it's a place
Speaker:to detach from other areas so you get an
Speaker:opportunity to be that
Speaker:same person that we've both experienced
Speaker:that mentor that just had such a profound
Speaker:impact on our life by going beyond
Speaker:just surface level and.
Speaker:Yeah, I find too, you'll have a lot more
Speaker:respect from your athletes to really get
Speaker:to know them. And I'm not saying you need
Speaker:to interrogate them and question them,
Speaker:but if there's things that come up red
Speaker:flags, we all know them when we see them.
Speaker:But then we, you know, just avoid it or
Speaker:oh, it'll get better. Oh, their parents,
Speaker:It's their parents job. It's like, no,
Speaker:it's not. If you're witnessing it, you
Speaker:have a responsibility to take action. And
Speaker:if you don't know how to support them.
Speaker:Find the support that they can go and get
Speaker:that help as well. Yeah, it's a great
Speaker:learning experience for you as the as the
Speaker:coach or the guide or whatever. It is
Speaker:powerful. Kelly, I really enjoyed
Speaker:this chat. We'll make
Speaker:sure we get your links in there if
Speaker:there's anyone that's like wanting
Speaker:to reach out.
Speaker:What if you look at
Speaker:from a sport perspective
Speaker:or just in general, you work with people,
Speaker:everyday people as well. What's sort of
Speaker:the key area that
Speaker:if they're thinking, well, why would I be
Speaker:trying to go to Kelly? What's the key
Speaker:area that you will help them with that's
Speaker:going to help them to. Yeah, improve
Speaker:their life? Yeah, I would say
Speaker:personal development and human
Speaker:optimization, you know, whether that's.
Speaker:Sport specific or mentally?
Speaker:Emotionally, just teaching
Speaker:you the tools how to, you know, be a
Speaker:better leader, to be a better significant
Speaker:other, to be a better person. So I start
Speaker:with you as a person and
Speaker:then if you have goals along the way, I
Speaker:can guide you towards them. But
Speaker:ultimately it's doing the inner work
Speaker:first. So when people are ready to to
Speaker:heal their trauma and to sit with
Speaker:their their baggage and.
Speaker:Acknowledge that, you know, maybe they
Speaker:haven't been telling their whole truth
Speaker:because of. You know, being afraid
Speaker:or, you know, not not knowing who to go
Speaker:to, but I would challenge everybody to
Speaker:find somebody you can trust and,
Speaker:umm, know that it's never too late.
Speaker:Love it so good. Thank
Speaker:you so much for coming on your or
Speaker:coming on here and telling your story
Speaker:with such courage and conviction and
Speaker:inspiring all of us to find ways
Speaker:to to improve and to to find more of
Speaker:our voice and our truth. Thank you,
Speaker:Kelly. Yeah. Thank you so much, Ian.
Speaker:You're welcome.
Speaker:Wow, what a courageous woman Kelly is,
Speaker:and I thank her for sharing all that
Speaker:she's learned along the journey. The
Speaker:ability to overcome adversity, to
Speaker:have that courage and.
Speaker:The lessons to add to your game
Speaker:plan. I love what you said about
Speaker:can't keep hitting the snooze button. At
Speaker:some point you need to stand
Speaker:up and have the courage to say I need to
Speaker:make the changes. I also loved
Speaker:how she and she's now paying that forward
Speaker:so she's found a purpose to her life even
Speaker:through some of the most horrific and
Speaker:challenging circumstances that life can
Speaker:throw at you. If you are
Speaker:ready to find more purpose in your life.
Speaker:Then I'll make sure I drop in the link to
Speaker:join the purpose training so you can
Speaker:start finding more of that purpose
Speaker:that you can bring to every area of your
Speaker:life and start paying forward everything
Speaker:that you've learned and share that with
Speaker:the world.
Speaker:You've taken the time to listen to this
Speaker:whole episode. Now it's time to take
Speaker:action. Commit to one thing you've
Speaker:learned today and make it happen. And to
Speaker:avoid any obstructions, join the Sporty's
Speaker:Life movement by clicking on the link in
Speaker:the show notes.
