# 11 - Graf vs Agassi: Unlocking Your Opportunity as a Sports Parent

The first time that Mr. Graf met Mr. Agassi, and how both Steffi and Andre were not sure how it was going to unfold, because they were both strong characters. And talked about how they got into a discussion about tennis, as you'd imagine they would, and then they started to argue about which of their children were the better. There's no doubt about the impact that the pressure from Mr. Graf and Mr. Akasi had on the tennis prowess of their children, but it did come at a cost, and they both have been open about that you don't want to be that sort of parent. You don't want to be that sort of role model, that sort of coach. You coach. You want to be someone that can really drive performance, but in a way that leaves people feeling much better about themselves afterwards, instead of being explained to you how I'm Ian Hawkins, and this is sport. Is life. The purpose of sport, as I see it, is to see your vision become a reality, find your voice, create strong connections and learn to trust your body.

But I've gotten the title there, graph versus Agassi. Well, I imagine, imagine they have some awesome backyard tennis games, like the quality would be unbelievable, and if their children play, but they certainly got the right environment to be elite at tennis or anything, really. But the graph versus Agassi I want to talk about was a story I heard some time back. I'm pretty sure it's not in the book. I've got the books here for those who are watching, if you haven't read Andre Agassi open, it is fantastic read. I think it was when he did a sponsorship piece that we were shown on fox sports back in the day. It was in conjunction with the Australian Open and maybe one of the wineries, and I won't guess which one it was, in case I get it wrong, but there was one particular video. I'm sure that's where it was, where he talked about the first time that Mr. Graf met Mr. Agassi, and how both Steffi and Andre were not sure how it was going to unfold, because they were both strong characters, and talked about how they got into a discussion about tennis, as you'd imagine they would, and then they started to argue about which of their children were the better. And it came to some physical altercation, they got so fired up, right? And to me, a bit of a bit of a laugh, but, but also, if you've read Agassi's book, you'll know the impact of having a parent that was so driven. I'm sure you've heard other stories about particular parents, particularly in the tennis world, that have how we say, less than positive experience. There's some pretty public ones, particularly that I can think of in Australia. But there's definitely the world over, different stories of fairly intense parenting. Well, it got me thinking about our opportunity as role models and as parents, and it's all well and good to get success for our children if we drive them a certain way, but at what cost? Because having coached a lot of people, and a lot of men, I know when you or when people behave in a way that maybe gets results, but also there's part of them that knows that it it. You can see the hurt in the people that are involved that you look back with regret. You look back through a negative lens. So it's like, at what price is success, particularly for the people that you're coaching, for the people in your world, and for most importantly, for you, are you going to take undertake certain activities, behaviors because of success, only for it to have a detriment, detrimental impact to your mental and emotional health. And what I know is that when you when you're doing those sorts of things, that they can have a detrital detrimental impact to your physical health as well, because that stuff gets stored in the body. The more things we sit back and in our time and you. Uh and feel remorseful about and we don't process and can have a really adverse effect on the body. The body manifests all sorts of dis ease in your body. That's probably a story for another podcast. I've actually got one specifically on what your body is telling you from my previous podcast, the Grief Code, and I might share that one here, rather than re recording it, because it was the most most viewed episode in that whole few years series. So when you sit back and you take time to think about who you want to be as a coach or or a parent or just in any area of your life, if you're a leader in business, if you're if you're a work colleague, if you're a friend, like you may get results. You may have certain ways of doing things. And if it's going to feel good afterwards and fantastic. But if it's going to come at a cost, more than likely it's coming across as a person that other person, or people involved as well. Makes me think of a person I coached a few years ago that that grew up in the main streets of Brooklyn, New York, and a lot of problems were resolved through physical violence, and while this particular person had got much better results by not being physical anymore, but being intimidating, like they said, it came at a cost, and they always felt bad about it afterwards. So one of the things we worked on was how you're able to have that same influence in a positive way, in a powerful way. This is not about taking away your power. It's actually bringing more power, because you're able to stand in, stand your ground with with a power that actually can create better results. Feels good for the other people involved. Feels even better for you, because it's through that positive lens. So take the time to look at those moments, and maybe you don't get it right. And we all do it right. We all get things wrong. One of the reasons why I'm a coach is because I've got things wrong and I've worked out how to get it right again. That's something I've had a passion from from quite a young age as a sports coach in my teens, I've never necessarily been the most gifted athlete in a group, but I've always been the one that was like, Okay, well, that didn't work for me, but look at this person. How are they doing it? And being able to unpack the process, whether that's from a biomechanical or physical perspective, or from a mental or an emotional perspective, how do I break that down and rebuild it in a way that actually will work and will give a positive outcome? So have a think about what that is for you. What are the moments where maybe you do get it wrong, and how you might be able to change it, and then work towards looking at some, some different solutions, how? And if you're not sure how to find the actual solution, just write the alternative to what you're doing now, the opposite, the positive version of that. Sometimes when I ask people, What is it you want? They go, Oh, well, I don't know. I don't want this, this and this. And like, okay, cool. What? What does it look like if you're not doing that? What's the positive version of that when that's not the case? So I ask you to do the same through this process. Get clear. It always works. Clarity always brings you to a new level of understanding and a new level of performance. And, yeah, take, take the action that is required if you haven't already, please helps me to reach more people. If you go to whatever app you're on, hit the Follow button, hit the subscribe button, hit the bell, whatever it is for the platform you're on, and what it does is allow me to get in front of more people, to share more of these messages and bring you better guests, better content, better free resources that you can utilize in any area of your life. So if you do that, do me that favor to be very much appreciated. You've taken the time to listen to this whole episode. Now it's time to take action, commit to one thing you've learned today and make it happen, and to avoid any obstructions, join the sport is life movement by clicking on the link in the show notes you